 |
|
Reply
| |
In the shadow of death (& life)
People ask how to walk away from one. Upon my brother's death- I needed to somehow fulfill a promise I made to him. I did the best I could with a lot of cheaters and liars. <One thing about growing up with them- you also know the behaviors very well even if you can't stop them>
Although, the ugly and dysfunction came out - the reality of the relationships clarified themselves to my husband & I. It will never, ever change. There will always be DRAMA with one of them.
I felt good doing the little bit I could do to keep my promise to my brother - and they make me sad, how they pushed me to the side for greed and power struggle, issues of days gone by.
My mother is old and her time is limited. She also has is very bitter and envious old woman and I do not trust her words to me.
I also have 7 siblings still living. Good people - don't trust one of them. Without TRUST - there is only a superficial relationship.
When one can not hold value in another words - how do you put faith in "I LOVE YOU". It's different things, to different folks
You know - each day gets a bit easier. Love is special. To lose love actively from ones life- doesn't always mean it will be by death.
Spring is upon us and I have been cleaning and unloading tons of "STUFF" from my house. I think the BAGGAGE of a tramatic and dysfunctional childhood; does in fact with you. But you keep what is going to be useful & good and let go of the rest & it's going.
I think what I wanted for my brother for over 27 years-----ability to let go of THEM & live his own life.
I do believe - the door has been opened for me in his death.
If I can walk these steps and the months of sorrow and bear it....
each one owes it to themselves
to love themselves & to exit stage right when it is time.
one step/day at a time and I hope by sharing this-
it gives others a bit of hope to stand strong and be true to yourself
and others even when it means ending relationships that have served it's purpose in life.
*
|
|
 First
Previous
2-6 of 6
Next
Last
|
Reply
| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 2 of 6 in Discussion |
|
Youre words came from the heart and I listened carefully. thankyou, justmee |
|
Reply
| | From:  Sadona99 | Sent: 29/04/2008 2:59 a.m. |
Thank you for your kind words.
Thank you for taking the time to hear my words!
Sadonna99 |
|
Reply
| |
I came back to reread this. I guess I am having a little trouble with mothers day around the corner. I know my siblings will be there and I know that she will complain what a wicked person I am for ignoring her. I need to find the strength....so I came back to reread this. justmee |
|
Reply
| |
know I too struggle with this...I hate that I can not enjoy any time left in her life.
At the same time, I also know no matter what 'I' do or 'don't do' - the perception and verbal emotional manipulation (guilt trips) & power plays will also continue. I can not do anything or do everything and still be only an object that she/they reflect what they are on me. The FAMILY is a reflection of behaviors they learned and I was a part of it for a long time. Just one difference, I have found the difference between the words 'l love you' and the actuality of feeling and knowing what 'I love you' felt like to give and receive it.
For years I defended my "SELF" to them ---somehow trying to SHOW them a kind, good way to deal with life/others. It does not work - the behavior is too PRINTED on their being. They see nothing wrong or unusual but interestingly not ONE of them is truly HAPPY and filled with JOY. I think this may be why they down deep 'envy' and don't like me.
- I like who I am and who I am not. This is totally blowing them all away and they will be fine even though change will be difficult. I have had quite a traumatic life / childhood.
My self worth is not based on their opinions & views. Yes, I love them very much but I do not like the way they behave or treat me or others in life and by 'living' it with them - I do somehow allow it to continue to affect me and my family now.
God wants each of us happy. I don't trust any of them. A burned hand is often the best teacher in life. Only you know when it is time. I don't like the individuals they have become. Many of them are repeating dysfunctional behavior that is anything but warm and loving and truthful which is the foundation of what real love is.
I will say, giving birth to a child does not mean you or they owe them your life. Love sometimes can be quiet and silent and still be there in life and in death.
Interesting -- the longer I distance myself from them; the more I am feeling light hearted and smile a whole lot more.
keep me posted...
if it feels right - do it because YOU want to
if you don't want to - or just struggling with GUILT-- give yourself permission to 'not feel like it this year' and let it go and go for a walk!
moi~
|
|
Reply
| |
These posts were excellent! Very thought provoking and moving. Cheetah, you are so right in "How do you put your faith in 'I Love You'" when it truly does mean different things to different people. And though I believe the following was meant for Mother's Day, I think it might be best to remember this all year long. if it feels right - do it because YOU want to
if you don't want to - or just struggling with GUILT-- give yourself permission to 'not feel like it this year' and let it go and go for a walk! |
|
|
First
Previous
2-6 of 6
Next
Last
|
|
Return to N Relatives
