NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY

I have a sister 12 years my senior, who was made responsible for me a great deal when growing up. I spent many weekends with her when she was in college as wlel a staying with her for a summer when she had just moved to Chicago. She commits to others, such as saying she'll come stay with my child when he is too sick to go to daycare so my husband and me can go to work then be irritable and bitchy when she delivers what she committed to. She married a wealthy man, and she doesn't work. She doesn't do ANYTHING. She even complains about having to cook for her husband and he could care less if she did or not. Anyway, we aren't speaking because she did something very rude during Christmas. I called her on it then, she got mad and said as she always does 'fine I'm a failure, I'm failure at losing weight, at being a daughter, at being a sister etc" She acknowledged that she did what she did at the time but now she completely denies doing it, saying I imagined and then blamed my mother for it! My family is moving to the other side of the country. I wnat to try to mend things up but I've had to completely concede to her in the past and I just can't do this anymore.

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Message 2 of 3 in Discussion

From:

withernomore

Sent: 7/06/2008 9:23 p.m.

I am going through something similar with my own sister. I have always had to 'work' to keep a r/s with her, but I don't know why I bother. I'm not getting anything out of it but her mistreatment and disrespect. My sister is almost exactly like my father. Very emotionally distant, easily angered, and completely irrational and unpredictable. I do not believer either of them are Ns, but they are disturbed and I had a counselor tell me she suspects my sister is borderline. I have always had to be the one to give up and give in with her. She never apologizes for her rude outbursts or any of the nasty things she says and does. She accuses me of all kinds of insane things...she always assumes I have these evil motives when all I want is to get along! I am trying to distance myself from her--but I have so much going on I don't know how to approach all of this. I am in the process of seeking out more therapy. I can't handle everything by myself anymore. All I can say is that I empathize with you.

Message 3 of 3 in Discussion

From:

goingnorth2

Sent: 8/06/2008 4:07 a.m.

In the past, when I had more $$ at my disposal than I currently have (thanks to the N), I was very generous to Sister A and to her family. I don't want/expect parades and parties because of that, but common courtesy would be nice.

Instead, I receive insults and nasty comments.

Had I never given her a dime, common courtesy would still be appropriate.

Sister B allows it to upset her. "Why does she treat you in such a mean and nasty way when you've only ever been kind to her?"

This question has bounced around in my head. My feelings have been hurt. Etc.

Everybody's got a threshold. I reached mine. Thanks to lessons learned at the hands of the N, my cup runneth over a little more easily these days.

I went home to visit a few weeks ago. Had the obligatory visit with Sister A. "What's new? Hows the car running? How's work?"

And I spent meaningful, significant, quality time with Sister B.

They say apathy is worse than hate.

I don't care. LOL