My "N" father will be 87 yo old this coming Wednesday.  The lying, the bullying, the blaming, the controlling, the misogyny, the manipulating----it just keeps getting worse and worse.   I thought that my Mom's sudden and unexpected death 2 1/2 years ago would "cure" him.  Nope!  He has used my Mom's death to get even MORE supply. EVERYONE (but my husband and I) sees him as this "poor, sweet old widower." 

 

Dealing with him is like living in a NIGHTMARE!

 

You have my condolences and my prayers, "wish."  I don't believe that this nightmare will end until they die.

 

Warm blessings!

Sailorsgirl, thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum .

I had a similar situation: my grandfather died recently, and we went over to his funeral. The strangest thing about it was that my n grandmother didn't cry....(!) she said she had taken some kind of antidepressents, but still...I'm not so sure.

 

And you're definately right about using it as an excuse for more supply - she was delighted about all the people coming round to see her. She was the centre of attention and sympathy for several weeks, she must have loved it.

 

My grandmother's image did kind of wear off though. My mother's three brothers and sister still go over to see her, but it's an obligation - they are all thoroughly fed up. We got out of it becasue we live in a different country .

 

And my grandmother? She is now angry that she is getting less attention. She sends everyone letters telling them what awful children they are, not caring about her, she sacrificed her life etc. Which results in pushing people away...soon there will be nobody for her.

 

do you have any brothers and sisters? My aunts and uncles have a "gran rota", which means no one gets too much of her. Maybe you have someone you can spread the load with...?

 

Also, remember this: you don't HAVE to deal with him. You can always go NC. He'll get angry about it, he'll tell everyone what an awful daughter he has to put up with, you'll get critisicm from other, indignant people. But it will die down, and it will be the end of the nightmare.

 

My warmest wishes of hope and courage to you and your husband.

 

wishforwings x

 

Thank you for your condolences about my Mom.  She was SOOOO sweet and caring and kind.   Next to God, I was her "heart."  I miss her terribly, but knowing that I will see her again someday is comforting.

 

I'm truly sorry about your grandfather.    It's always the good ones that pass away, isn't it?  (Personally,  I think my "N" father is just too EVIL to die.)

 

I have as little to do with him as possible, but I am an adult only child (and there aren't ANY relatives where we live), so I can't go "full" NC (much to my dismay).

 

Of course, this makes me the "B*%$h Daughter from Hell", but I DON'T CARE.  I and my husband (and my Mom in Heaven) and my "N" father and GOD know what the REAL truth is--and that is all that matters to me.

 

Take care and be God's!