I have been on this board before, but it has been a while. Now I feel the need to write about the latest shocker (why am I even shocked by their behavior anymore?) that my parents have done.

 

For the past eight years, I have been with a wonderful man. For seven out of the eight years we have been together, we have very happily been living together. You would think that this action was solely done to rip out my parents' hearts and stomp on them because that is the way that they have treated it for seven years. My boyfriend has never had anything but kind words for them, but after being insulted and ignored numerous times by my parents and being treated like he is the evil person who destroyed their "little girl" and "corrupted her, he no longer wants to associate himself with them --- and I say more power to him. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I have been told continuously for seven years by my parents everything from "you are going to Hell for the way you live" to "you are tearing me up inside". They use guilt as a weapon, and constantly remind me of the sacrifices that they made for me when I was a child, i.e. "We paid for your college education and look at the way you treat us!" and the most recent "How dare you talk to us that way! We sent you $75 for your birthday!"

 

About a month ago, my boyfriend proposed to me and we are getting married on 10/16. I thought my parents would ne thrilled by the news. I had this idea in my head that they would change their negative and insulting ways and we would finally have a relationship. I called my parents that very weekend and my mother wasn't home. I immediately told my father the news and his only response was, "Good. Your mother will be so happy." I got no congratulations. I was asked no details about the wedding. I was incredibly hurt. That whole week, my mother didn't even call me to congratulate me. I called her the following weekend. As soon as she picked up the phone, she went on one of her normal "poor me" tirades, talking about how a friend of my father's that I have never met passed away and about how my great aunt is failing and in the hospital. She went on & on for about 10 minutes until I finally interrupted her and asked her if my father told her I was getting married. Her response was, "Yes and I FORGOT! In fact, I was going to go to the Dollar Store to buy you a congratulations card!" I was so hurt and angry that I hung up the phone.

 

I sent my father a very angry e-mail telling him exactly how I feel and summarized how they have been hurting me with this sort of behavior all my life -- about how I can never be "good enough" for them and how I am through trying to be. I also mentioned how incredibly supportive and loving my boyfriend's parents have been since we have been together, and how his mother told me that I could have her wedding ring and she would even take me to get it reset so that it would fit me. I mentioned how never once in the eight years that we have been together have my boyfriend's parents said one hurtful or negative word about our relationship and how they have basically adopted me into their family.

 

What immediately followed my father receiving this e-mail was my father calling my SISTER --- NOT ME --- and screaming at her and telling her he is "done with the both of us" and reminding her that he is still paying off her student loans. Keep in mind that my younger sister was not involved in this situation at all, but my father called HER and reemed HER out for whatever unknown and crazy reason. My sister called me upset and told me what happened and I was furious. My sister and I are both very close. I consider her to be my best friend and we both have the same exact issues with our parents. I immediately called my parents and my mother picked up the phone. My father refused to speak to me. My mother kept telling me that I "need to learn how to accept and apology" and blamed a certain kind of medication that she takes for her bipolar disorder for forgetting my upcoming nuptuals. My mother always uses her bipolar disorder as an excuse and treats it as if it is terminal cancer. She constantly forgets important events that happen in my life, but she remembers when such-and-such random friend or relative got sick with such-and-such disease and remembers all of the people she knows who are in the hospital. She is obsessed with disease and death, yet ignores and downplays the great things that happen in both mine & my sister's lives.

 

During this conversation, my mother kept telling me to "get a grip" as I was going off on her and explaining why I was so angry with her. Once my mother had had enough of my very validated anger, she actually started singing "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!" over the phone (like a LUNATIC!) and once she was through singing she asked me "Ellen, what do you want me to do? Play the violin for you?" referencing the fact that I was very hurt by her words and actions.

 

I have made a conscious decision that I will not speak with them for quite a long time. They are manipulative, nasty, and hurtful people. They always give me the "we're so proud of you!" speech, yet immediately turn around like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and run down the list of things that I do that hurt them. I feel like I have freed myself in a way by making this decision, but I am also very sad. Any advice or words of wisdom anybody can give would be most appreciated. Thank you.