NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY

Last week I get a call from my older half sister. This sister is also an N and has always been crazily jealous of me. When I was twenty four and just got engaged she came to visit me and she told me that my father, her step-father, molested her before I was born.

I believed it was true because I didn't see why she would lie. I confronted my father (My parent's divorced when I was five but I had seen him off and on since then) and he didn't really outright deny it. He denied it in a really fake way and then he sent me stupid poems about how "we all make mistakes" and about how it is the right thing to do to "forgive" etc. I haven't forgiven him and I don't plan to ever see him again.

But my mother's story was that she knew nothing about the sexual abuse. Nothing, nothing, no way, she can't believe it. But she did know he was physically abusive and, in her words "a sex addict."

Well last weekend I get this call from my sister and she talked to our grandmother and my grandmother said that my mother did know. When my sister was four (FOUR!) she told our grandmother that my father was molesting her (not in so many words) and my grandmother called my mom and my mom and dad came over and my grandmother confronted them and my father denied it (of course) and my mother believed him!!

They told my sister to say she was lying. The story goes that my sister wouldn't. And my father went on molesting her until I was born, four years later.

So now I know that my N mom at least had some idea that the abuse was possibly going on. I can hardly look at her. It makes me sick. What is wrong with these people?!

How can you be so self-absorbed and so selfish as to let your child continue to be molested?

:(

-Jane

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Sent: 5/10/2008 9:02 a.m.

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From:

ivyalmighty

Sent: 8/10/2008 1:15 p.m.

It happens a LOT, unfortunately. Families like that are so dysfunctional, that most of the players are caught up in their own little world trying to survive the dysfunction.. it would upset too many other balances to actually do something about the abuse. It's terrible to say, but a lot of times members of the family look at another member as the sacrificial lamb kinda thing.. better her than me... that mentality..

My mother and her sister were sexually abused by her grandfather and her mother knew about it, and yet still arranged visits for them. Almost as if she was faciliating.

My ex-MIL (N's mother) was sexually abused by her father. She then allowed her daughter (my ex-SIL, socio/psychopathic, para-schizo etc etc) to visit with him from a very young age, and he of course sexually abused her as well. The SIL never forgave her mother for allowing that contact, KNOWING that he was sexually abusive from her own personal experience.

I don't know the exact dynamics, but it seems to be a common thread. Denial. "it happened to me, but he'd never do it to anyone else..."

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