I'm so glad I've found this forum and hoping that I won't feel so alone or maybe find an answer to my problem. I've been married for 14 years and a year ago I after watching a programme on TV about narcissists I realised that my husband has NPD. I've gone through all kinds of mental torments over the years (whilst bringing up my three children) thinking that I was going mad. I tried everything to ge this man to understand me to no avail. The moment I realised I had married a strange creature was a few weeks after my first daughter was born. I think I must have been suffering from post natal depression and I was desperate. So desperate I got down on my knees one morning crying, and begged him not to leave me to go to work. He just stood there looking at me indifferently, turned around without saying anything and walked out the door. This moment sticks in my mind and I constantly ask myself why I continued to have more children with this man, and I can't answer why other than I thought I loved him and thought I was the problem not him.

 

Five years ago I knew I was living with a man that I couldn't rely on and that I would have to do something to ensure I could look after my children myself without living on benefits. So I went to university and gained a degree in primary education for the purpose of becoming a primary school teacher.  

 

I am a much stronger person now and better able to understand this peculiar creature that I married but my problems have become worse with him as his NPD is affecting his ability to communicate with his three daughters as they become older and have opinions of their own. My oldest daughter becomes very frustrated with him as he is very confrontational and antagonistic. He is incapable of listening or understanding others' points of view. He has no sympathy and is incapable of being empathetic. When he enters into a debate with my daughter he ends up getting very angry as he can't keep up with her debating skills. To him every cobversation is an argument to be won.

 

I haven't left him because I can't see how I can without turning my three daughters' lives upside down. They love their daddy despite his peculiarities. I've resigned myself to the fact that i'll have to stay with this man until my daughters become adults.

 

The worst part of this story for me is the feeling that I was fooled into marrying this man and now I have wasted my life with a person incapable of showing real love and affection. I don't think i'll ever know what it's like to have a partner who loves you. 

 

Thanks for listening.