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i tried to be friendly these last days for i hate fighting and i want to live in peace. for some crazy thought i thought i could be his friend. but it was still all about him, he still controlled me and demanded my time.then if i did something not with him he punished me with words and pushed my buttons still i would act like him outloud. i guess perhaps we all need to get to our fork in the road or our LINE that can't be crossed, yes i had mind. i tried to be a friend in the end----only to be set up to take the fall for his pain, for i inhaled his pain and he took my joy. i tried to talk with him but he called the cops ....cause he can not face his true reasons for being mad i did something without him. for he felt like he lost his soul when i try to have time for myself...i know know that is unhealthy and it is mere control. i will do NC, not look at his house, not think of him ...i pray for the silent tx now.......please tell me this shall pass. my family is behind me all the way and i will continue therapy about WHY i let him back in instead of HOW to get him out of my heart? everyone here has been great. now i need to hear that i will forgot him and one day i will not even need a physical wall to keep my heart safe.NC is the way but it must be total NC without games and what if's.
also i tried to go to other site but i had a hard time with passwords etc. |
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| | From:  OzGirl57 | Sent: 17/11/2008 9:48 a.m. |
<WBR>Hi again, eyes!
Yes, nc is the ONLY way to forget them and put them in our past. I think about the abuser I was married to for 20 years, and I have no feelings for him one way or another. I know with nc I will eventually feel this way about n. He wanted to be friends too, but I can't be friends with someone I don't respect, someone who lies and cheats. So don't even THINK about being his friend. He has no real friends, he doesn't know the meaning of friendship or love.
I am on the new forum but MISS the daily emails. I wish the new forum would give us the option of receiving posts in our emails. Guess I will get used to it over time. I was hoping some of us could stay in contact this way, but not sure how we can pass email addys to each other.
Hang in there, we are in this together!!!!!!!!!!!!
OzGirl
-----Original Message-----
From: NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER <[email protected]>
To: NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER <[email protected]>
Sent: Sun, 16 Nov 2008 11:54 pm
Subject: NC, true meanings of? his abuse gets worse with each return, i need help with NC
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New Message on NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER
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From: eyesopen_nowgirl
Message 1 in Discussion
i tried to be friendly these last days for i hate fighting and i want to live in
peace. for some crazy thought i thought i could be his friend. but it was still
all about him, he still controlled me and demanded my time.then if i did
something not with him he punished me with words and pushed my buttons still i
would act like him outloud. i guess perhaps we all need to get to our fork in
the road or our LINE that can't be crossed, yes i had mind. i tried to be a
friend in the end----only to be set up to take the fall for his pain, for i
inhaled his pain and he took my joy. i tried to talk with him but he called the
cops ....cause he can not face his true reasons for being mad i did something
without him. for he felt like he lost his soul when i try to have time for
myself...i know know that is unhealthy and it is mere control. i will do NC, not
look at his house, not think of him ...i pray for the silent tx now.......please
tell me this shall pass. my family is behind me all the way and i will continue
therapy about WHY i let him back in instead of HOW to get him out of my heart?
everyone here has been great. now i need to hear that i will forgot him and one
day i will not even need a physical wall to keep my heart safe.NC is the way
but it must be total NC without games and what if's.
also i tried to go to other site but i had a hard time with passwords etc.
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I just went through the same thing. I finally had to actually send him printed info on the classic symptoms of him being abusive - it made him angry but oh well. There's no way to love someone who doesnt love himself. I have to take one day at a time - I hae been so damaged. I refuse to let him continue to control me and hurt me. I finally made him feel so guilty - if he can feel guilt - he is gone. It was hard but slowly - very slowly- I am getting out of what was an abusive relationship - itwas making me sick and I didnt even realize it. |
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Interacting with them is a life and death struggle for sanity
one of you is going to lose theirs - you have the choice
to disengage from the battle or lose yours . It is that serious
and that simple .
You must chose your own sanity - and leave him to his.
CHOOSE YOU ................. |
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Eyeswideopen.. it will take one too many hurts by N or something drastic to get you to realize one day that by thinking XN can be a friend you are setting yourself up for further abuse. I dated a N within a year of separating. I knew nothing about Ns at that time. I gave him a year of my life and then 4 years apart. After this time I went back for another year of torture. This N has been out of my life for over 2 years and only until recently did the " frienship" end. He tried during the whole last 2 1/2 years to try to win me back. I wouldn`t see him but did continue to talk to him when he called me. He recently met a woman who is also just out of a marriage and she is now living with him after only 2 weeks together. When I made a comment about it he D&D`d me. This is an 8 years relationship/ friendship?? I am accepting him ending the friendship as he has done me a favor. I know once he isn`t with her anyone more he will be back trying to sway me again. Point being N`s don`t make good friends!! Thye only use us for NS and when we no longer are of " use" to them they will discard us. Do it to him before he has the chance to use you more and cause further hurt. I have had 2 Ns in my life and I now spot them a mile away .... you will too. Just listen to your heart and be friends with people who value and respect you as you deserve to be treated. Good luck. PS divorcecare is a good beginning for this!! |
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