yes my xN was like that.  If I was hungry and we were travelling somewhere, he would have a real rage if I wanted to eat when he thought I shouldn't.  Strange. 

 

I remember one ENORMOUS row we had early on in the relationship.  Where we lived there was a fish and chip shop across the road.  So we go over, get something to eat and on the way back I asked if I could have the sausage I bought (I was 30 at the time).  He refused point blank to let me have it.  He didn't think I should be eating it whilst we walked.  Then he said it was rude to him because he would have to wait until we got home. It was fish and chips for f***s sake!! Hardly fine dining.  Anyway, the more I asked, the more he said no (because he was holding the bag).  I'd NEVER known anything like it.  Ridiculous.  Even if he didn't think I should, it's not THEIR place to tell us what we can and can't do.  They assume the role of PARENT and we have to be the obedient CHILD.

Hi Jo jo,

 

Yes, mine was totally infantilizing.  Treated me like a 2-year old, and tried to boss me around in every aspect of what I was allowed to do, wear, eat, work at.  He also had the food thing, and would go into a rage if I was hungry at what seemed like an inappropriate time to him.  I'm super thin and fit, but he kept telling me I shouldn't be hungry when I was!  Gross.

 

Then, toward the end, he kept saying how he loved the "little girl" part of me that was so beautiful, blah blah, but he would also contradict himself and say he wanted to be with a "grown up," and not someone acting like a child (can we say "projection" here?!).  I guess because they know they are such helpless infants when it comes right down to it--and spoiled ones at that--they think they have to prove themselves, reverse the tables, and make us seem like the ones who need parenting.

Mine would say things like "Do you understand me?"

 

He did the same thing to his mom.

 

What an idiot.

Hi Jojo,

 

No.  I have never allowed anyone to treat me like a child.  There are people who've tried and believe me, after I put my foot down with them, they never try it again or they disappear.

 

It is very true, jojo, that we teach people how to treat us.  You have to know yourself well enough to know what is and what is not acceptable for you.  You have to believe in yourself enough to know it is okay to demand respect and if people don't like it, you are better off without them.  You have to have faith in yourself; enough to know better people will replace the ones you let go.

 

 

 

 

Yes! "N"s treat me like I am a 3 yo with  the word "stupid" written on my forehead.

 

(ALL of them know that I have 3 academic degrees and am a RN.)

I can't say he treated me like a child, exactly, but he sure didn't treat me like an equal.  No such word in his vocabulary.  He totally agreed with the old adage that the one in a relationship who is least "in love" (or in his case, not in love at all) is the one who exerts all the control. 

 

I find it sad that he will never be able to have a truly sharing relationship with another person.  He must be in control, or he must be terrified of the other person (I read somewhere that Ns equate fear with love, thus they admire the boss that may bully them, while thinking they are truly better than the boss at the same time) to relate at all. 

 

I guess one close child-like encounter:  he cooks (and not as well as he thinks, either!) but after the first D&D, he said one of the objections he had to me is that I was always "dieting" and wouldn't allow him to "cherish" me by cooking for me.  Here's the reality on that:  I am pre-diabetic and, knowing that,  he would deliberately cook loads of pasta, serve white bread, and bake heavily-sugared desserts for me.  Naturally I refused a lot of it.  He knew why, but still used that against me.  Lovely guy.

God, yes. I remember times telling him, "I didn't have a Daddy growing up, why do I need one now?" It has gotten to the point where sometimes, people have thought he WAS my Dad!!!! I love the looks on thier faces when I tell them, "I'm his wife.". And there is only 9 years between us. But even strangers could pick up the Daddy thing!