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| | From:  Theresa453 (Original Message) | Sent: 12/11/2008 4:01 p.m. |
As you know he called me yesterday. Out of the blue after 6 mos of total NC. I have been a mess ever since. I went home, drank gin and cried myself to sleep. Today I can barely work and am ready to burst into tears. That two minute phone call has set me back MONTHS. Then he called and left a message that said: "This is urgent. My heart is breaking. Call me." Of course I will not call him. I have my phone on Do Not Disturb. But the famialiar pain in my chest and aching in my heart is back. I won;t go away. I was doing so well. I got to the point where I was even listening to music again. Almost back to normal. And it was painful as hell getting to that point. Now I am in pain again and it hurts like hell.....again. I cannot stop thinking about him. I am having trouble focusing on how awful he was to me. I feel totally and utterly lost....emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Please help! |
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{{(((((Teresa)))))}}
Sorry you are feeling so bad.
But think of it this way....
This has not set you back months. OK, so maybe you wish you hadn't answered the phone, but it was only a short call and you didn't agree to meet him. Then you didn't answer when he called again. It is a minor setback, nothing more. Six months NC is a great achievement.
Plus - see how awful you are feeling now - that is what he does to you. That is how he makes you feel!
It is normal for Ns to try to contact old partners/supply. My N recently tried to contact an old partner (his first gay partner) who dumped him about 1 1/2 years ago. Not because he wanted him back but because he wanted to be the one to end things with him - and I quote "the only way to get rid of him is to get back together with him for a while". While at the same time posting on his MySpace site that he is in a relationship with another woman (to impress his school friends). Crazy.
Teresa, please remember that Ns are seriously sick, flawed human beings with no sense of anything but themselves.
You have done the RIGHT thing in moving on and you WILL feel better again. Just remember how well you were doing and how strong you are.
Sending you lots of support from your friend,
Mirabella
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Hi Theresa, Does it help to think that five minutes after he left that message he was probably not thinking of you or perhaps leaving a similar message for someone else? Is it really urgent that his heart is breaking? Where was he, what was he doing when yours was breaking? Where has he been in all of these months you have spent alone, recovering from the things he did to you? His heart is breaking so you are supposed to forget all of the past and run to his side? What so you can go through more of what you went through last night and today? Theresa, he doesn't have a heart to break. You do. So, look after yours, okay?  |
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Teresa--
Much sympathy and many hugs.
I think these set-backs happen in order that we can clear up unfinished n-business. So that we heal completely, instead of just pushing uncomfortable thoughts away.
Just allow yourself to feel what you feel. Treat yourself well--take a nice hot bath, make yourself some tea with honey, rent a movie that's right up your alley. Ask a friend over, or make a dinner date.
Keep asking yourself why you're feeling like this and question the answers you give yourself. Read the lists you made of all the terrible things he did to you or re-write them.
Trinity is so, so right. He doesn't have a heart to break. You know that.
You will get to the place where a phonecall doesn't affect you at all. I know you will.
And keep posting!
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| | | From: KIMBO958 | Sent: 13/11/2008 12:33 a.m. |
Teresa. I know how you feel. I saw XN and my world changed. They are master manipulators. He almost pulled me in but Teresa we are smarter now. Hold your head up. I have been set back three weeks. Take charge Teresa. I know how you feel. We joined this board together and now are going through the same thing. You don't want salad anymore.... hugs Kimbo |
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Hi Theresa, I know that you are feeling totally off balance right now, but if you hold strong and firm as you are doing, this will pass, and you will come out much stronger in a week or two. Make a list, write it here if you want to, and list all the stupid, jerky, abusive and devaluing things he did to you. Really get into what a total jerk he was to you. Then pull yourself up with strength and dignity and value yourself for getting away from him. Know in your heart that he would just do it again. You are so much better off now after being so strong by getting away from him. He is fishing to see if you will give him some ns. Maybe someone just dumped him. Being who he is, he would use you again, and then dump you after he was "full" on ns, then he would move on. Without a thought for you. He can't give you what you need and deserve. I am sorry you are going through this, and I hope you will feel better soon. Hugs, Had Enough |
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| | | From: KIMBO958 | Sent: 13/11/2008 1:38 a.m. |
Theresa. I had also started listening to music again.But now that has stopped. Hang in there with me. I guess we never counted on hearing from them or seeing them again. Take strength from me my friend. Kim. |
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KIMBO & Theresa: It's so weird you mention you can't listen to music. Me too. I LOVE music and used to listen to it all the time. Can't do it anymore. Can't stand beauty of any kind. Maybe someday. |
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| | | From: OzGirl57 | Sent: 13/11/2008 4:25 a.m. |
<WBR>Same here......especially "our songs".......ugh!!!!!!!! By the way, I'm going to miss this MSN group, because I receive individual emails, which we cannot do on the new group. Wish it could stay this way, but oh well, such is life. Stay strong! I'm having my ups and downs too, big time!
-----Original Message-----
From: NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER <[email protected]>
To: NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER <[email protected]>
Sent: Wed, 12 Nov 2008 9:37 pm
Subject: Re: I am a wreck. I need you support.
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New Message on NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER
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From: irishgirl668
Message 8 in Discussion
KIMBO & Theresa: It's so weird you mention you can't listen to music. Me too.
I LOVE music and used to listen to it all the time. Can't do it anymore. Can't
stand beauty of any kind. Maybe someday.
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| | | From: KIMBO958 | Sent: 13/11/2008 10:40 a.m. |
No - No more music. Took 5 months to listen to it again. Now I can't. Very sad. |
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Theresa, I think that what your N has done is sat down and thought, "She has not called me or contacted me for 6 months. I am losing my influence over her so I better push some of her buttons. Now what works on her? Oh, yes, she has a broken heart so she'll relate to THAT". The N himself, has no heart, at least none for others. There is nothing to break or hurt. He cares only for himself. So he played you again. He is telling you that he is up for one more game of hurting Theresa. And he has made the first step by calling. And look at how you reacted? With emotion and tears. And he KNOWS that he can affect you but he wants more. He wannts to see you cry over him. He wants to see his power over you. Now that's what makes Ns feel alive. He is not to blame. I think he does this because of his disorder. It is sort of like a rabid dog that feels compeled to bite you. If he were a well dog he would probably be delighted to see you and lick your hand instead. I found that trying to understand the Ns' point of view along with understanding myself, helped me let go of him. It helped me let go of thinking about him also. And it would be best if you let your N go from your thoughts also. There is nothing worhwhile he has to give you. He is offering you at the most a piece of candy, poisoned candy. Like some sick people offer to innocent children on Halloween. And you know what we say to the children.... |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 13/11/2008 5:38 p.m. |
Hi Theresa. Instead of all this emotional wailing, why not just go over to the phone, hit the delete button saying "FU (censored) |
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Thanks Femfree. The delete button was hit two days ago. I merely had a temporary emotional set back. I was simply caught off guard. No worries,,,,"the wailing" only lasted 24 hrs. |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 13/11/2008 7:08 p.m. |
I know it takes a while to regain our balance and equilibrium. 24 hrs eh!! Pretty darn good in fact. |
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Theresa, boy do I feel for you! I know exactly how you feel, how just a few words can "set you back" but I have to agree with Mirabella here; 6 months is an AMAZING achievement! I haven't even been able to go 6 months yet!! [2.5 months was the most for me and then I cracked! GRRR!].
He just wanted to get you back for supply. My xN contacted me just this past weekend to say his condolences because I had to put my childhood dog to sleep, I politely said thank you and then 2 minutes later, he was asking me to to hook up with him! I politely declined...but see? He acted like he contacted me to say he was sorry about the dog but in reality, he wanted to rope me back in!
These sickos knows what gets to us. As soon as I read your post where you said his message said, "please call me - my heart is breaking", I immediately felt that pull. As loving, caring women our natural instinct is to nurture these monsters as soon as they say something that tugs on our heartstrings. DO NOT FALL FOR IT.
My therapist always says, "As soon as you feel better, be alert because that is when he will try and creep back in". It's like as soon as the wound begins to scab and heal, there they are, cutting us again or at least trying to. If you keep letting them cut you, the longer it will take to heal.
Good luck to you...you can do this! |
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