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| | From:  sickofhim (Original Message) | Sent: 14/11/2008 1:11 a.m. |
Hello gang, My mom is very sick/handicapped. I am an only child. My dad is an N/ass-ole. Anyway, she is so miserable with him. I dont' think she would leave cause he does provide some assistance in caring for her. BUT I could get a place for she and I if she would come live with me. I love my dad but he is such a jerk-to long a story to tell you. It is just so sad. He never calls me, talks to me when I visit their home etc. He just stays in his bedroom watching TV 24/7. Whatever, I have given up on a real relationship with my dad. But I love my mom so much, I hate seeing her hurt by his cruelty to her. I just want some peace and happiness for her and really for dad. I think they would be so much happier apart. I know it's not my job or place but my door is open for mom if she wants it, am I bad for wanting to help? I am just so torn as to what to do or not to do. I learned to attract and endure an N just like mom did. Monkey see monkey do.....Thanks for listening need your shoulder. |
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Let your mom make her own decisions. She has stayed with him this long for a reason. You see the light with the N's but she may never or may never want to. Live your life as an example to her, support her in healthy ways without being dragged down into it, and let her know you love her. Let her know she always has a place with you if she needs it. |
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Hi,
I can see how torn you are and how caring, I have been in a similar situation, where my NM was the abuser to an aging Alzheimer's father. At this point to separate your mother from your father, to live with YOU nether of them would be grateful nor thankful, and you will be the bad person. No, you are not bad for wanting to help, you are VERY GOOD , however these people have lived in their, probably co-dependant relationship for a long , long time.
However, I think you can help. If you believe that your mother is not receiving adequate care, i.e. your father can't take care of her, do you have social services that you can turn to to address the situation? In Canada, there are assesements, where there family can get respite care, a break, home care to help with cleaning, some visiting etc. I guess I would look at it from a professional point of view, rather than saving your mother from your N father. Believe me, they will not be happy, and by my own experience end up blaming you for the separation.
My mother used all the social services she could get, to the point of asking that my father be placed in long term care. As I gladly complied, she immediately went for a 2 month overseas vacation. Upon return she decided that it was ME who separated them, and he should not have been placed. Now she is the loving wife, and I am the bad daughter. Although my father is happy, he constantly talks about my mother and how great love relationship they have.
If your there for your mom, it is very nice from you, she will feel your love and presence.
Take care, Zlata |
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