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(Note: members find this a VERY SUCCESSFUL Tactic)
How to Leave a Narcissist. The narcissist analyses (and internalizes) everything in terms of blame and guilt, superiority and inferiority, gain (victory) and loss (defeat) and the resulting matrix of narcissistic supply. Narcissists are binary contraptions. Thus, the formula is very simple: Shift the blame to yourself ("I don't know what happened to me, I have changed, it is my fault, I am to blame for this, you are constant, reliable and consistent).

Tell him you feel guilty (excruciatingly so, in great and picturesque detail). Tell him how superior he is and how inferior you feel. Make this separation your loss and his absolute, unmitigated gain. Convince him that he is likely to gain more supply from others (future women?) than he ever did or will from you. BUT Make clear that your decision - though evidently "erroneous" and "pathological" - is FINAL, irrevocable and that all contact is to be severed henceforth. And never leave ANYTHING in writing.
Excerpts from the Archives of the Narcissism List
http://samvak.tripod.com/archive35.html

http://www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery

You are right - you cannot deny him access to your daughter. In fact, even with a father with a personaly disorder, the court's view is to not deny the child access to the father. You will need to learn the special ropes of contact in this situation and, we have oodles of help at our new site. Only in cases of physical assault or severe emotional trauma to the child do the courts award supervised visitation.

Do not discuss anything to do with finances or visitation until it's worked out with your lawyer.   Do not let him into your house. He has chosen somebody else and, as horrific as this is for you and sweetie my heart pours out to you having such a young child and going through this nightmare and on top of it we need to build an armour to give ourselves maximum self control to put up boundaries. You will need to do this for your safety and your sanity.

Now that you have told him that you think he's a little 'off', he'll no doubt go straight to the girlfriend telling her and everybody else that you are claiming he has a mental problem and that you are trying to keep him away from his daughter. If he has NPD, his defence mechanisms will kick in and you  can and will be subject to the hell of his vengeance against you.

Learn as much as you can as fast as you can and protect yourself financially and emotionally.

When he tries to discuss the divorce or financial settlements, tell him to talk to his lawyer, say nothing as all or "I don't know N, we'll h ave to discuss this with the lawyers." All you will be doing is disclosing your vulnerabilities and giving him a clue about what you will accept.  Say nothing and give yourself permission to refuse to discuss anything and to answer any questions.  The only questions you answer are those about visitiation and, you only respond to his actual questions.

Do read our pages on bullyproofing yourself and verbal abuse management. I hate to fast-track you into the drop kick of reality of dealing with these people, but it's the best favour I can do for you right now. Please also read out page on Avoiding the Ns Rage - you can find these pages recently updated at our new site. We hope to see you there.

Sometimes it looks hopeless. Abusers are ruthless, immoral, sadistic, calculated, cunning, persuasive, deceitful - in short, they appear to be invincible. They easily sway the system in their favor. Here is a list of escalating countermeasures. They represent the distilled experience of thousands of victims of abuse. They may help you cope with abuse and overcome it.
Coping with Your Abuser �?Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/abuse3.html<o:p></o:p>

You write...

and he then called me a "psychotic bitch"

you see, he's already started ..... and yes, I know this is projection, but do believe me when I tell you that he will try to destroy you six ways from hell. Your N will now work double hard to try to make you act crazy so watch for this type of bait where he provokes you into acting in a emotional crazy manner. He will just love to be able to get full custody, turn over the care and feeding of the child to the OW, you will have to try to negotiate through the maze of the roadblocks he will put to even get to see your own child and he will chortle all the way to the bank as he collects child support - from you.

You also should check out our pages on Divorce Snapshots

Let me tell you about Mrs. J. who, 7 times took her X back to court for upaid alimony and support. The N always counter sued for full custody. On the 7th time, the N won. Mrs. J lost her house, her job, her children and was left in a nightmare of emotional ruin, bankrupt and fighting the N to see her own children.

"Wealthy soccer moms are seen leaving the courtroom with glazed eyes, the patronizing words of their attorney apologizing for the loss of the children in their ears, and descend into a spiral of poverty and madness.The law is not a 2x4. Women and families are not trash to be thrown away. Support issues are not vehicles to drive vendettas. I dream of ethical watchdogs that will stop you..."
DIVORCE - The Real Truth, The Hidden Dangers Surviving Deception, Betrayal and Narcissism - Ann Bradley, M.A.
 

"I suppose you can tell I'm scared. I believe I will end up either dead or in a mental hospital very soon if something drastic doesn't happen. He is so diabolical and so convincing to other people that my own family has abandoned me. My kids have also been brainwashed, something I would have bet my life could never happen. All of my financial means have been exhausted. Child support should have been more than enough to make it until I could finish my degree, but he quit his job to keep me from having money, and no matter what I try to do, I hit a big brick wall."<o:p></o:p>

"The night he dumped me, the last thing he said to me before wandering out was 'protect yourself'. I've always puzzled over exactly what he meant, and those words have come back to haunt me now - that warning to get away from him. Without a doubt, the worst had yet to come�?
Narcissism Book of Quotes
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/NPDQuotes.rtf

 

At the end of a relationship the Narcissist faces the potential exposure of his abusive behaviour, your leaving and loss of expected NS (Narcissistic Supply), ensuing divorce, financial repercussions, can result in narcissistic injury and subsequent narcissistic rage. His targets find themselves on the receiving end of the Narcissist's relentless abuse, smear campaign, endless legal battles and other creative cruelties. This narcissistic rage may be, in fact, much worse than what you experienced within the relationship.
Victims may have experienced severe physical or psychological abuse. That abuse, of course, is hidden behind closed doors. Seldom is there proof or witnesses.
Avoiding the Ns Rage
http://www.runboard.com/bnarcissisticabuserecovery.f17.t98

What to do?  In fact, I'd advise you to reverse engines. Apologize for what you said. Tell him you were upset. Tell him that, "of course there won't be a problem with any visitation, I know you're a great dad." - IOW pour on the NS and if you can do this in public where there are orthers watching, that's N gravy. I know you'd rather chew glass and mentally want to put a bullet between his eyes, but in fact, that's your ticket. Make him look like a fool when he calls you the crazy one.

I know these are cold words. One day I hope you'll thank me.

Hugs to you dear mom

The best strategy for Targets of their Blame is to take a very Assertive Approach �?to quickly provide credible factual information to the court and to try to be as perfect as possible in every way during the court process.
SPLITTING �?Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist
by William A. Eddy, Attorney, Mediator and Clinical Social Worker
http://www.bpdcentral.com/bks/spy.shtml