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I think that this question needs to be approached lightly.  I think it is important to recognize a few things. Yes it is dysfunctional to allow yourself to tolerate abuse, be drawn to abuse or justify abuse, and if you fall into this category, yes you may have codependant issues.

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However�? Codependants do not lack total self awareness and this is a key difference between the nasty preditory behaviors of a narcissist and the reactionary behaviors of a codependant. Remember that co-dependants are “reactionary�?meaning we react.

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Should we have told the N in our lives that he is an F’n everything wrong and that we hope he dies in his sleep ? No, because that makes us a nasty person too�?exactly what we despise about N suddenly we have become�?but the bigger picture is that had we had not allowed ourselves to be abused to the point of feeling viscous ourselves we wouldn’t have been in that position to react as we did. Psychologically healthy people don’t respond that way because they don’t allow themselves to be drawn into abusive relationships to the point of insanity. They don’t put themselves in a position where they drive themselves to that kind of madness.

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Just as everyone has some degree of narcissism, so does everyone have some degree of co-dependant behaviors. I suggest that when doing self analysis that we keep an open mind and take responsibility for our own role in allowing ourselves to be involved with an abuser, but  DO NOT PATHOLOGIZE YOURSLF in the process.

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Yes, you got mad, yes you acted crazy, yes you behaved angrily towards the end of the relationship�?but hello�?  you were devalued, discarded, lied to, cheated on, manipulated, 2 timed on, gaslight, maybe hit, ignored, neglected, not given respect, shown no empathy or understanding……if you didn’t react then you aren’t human.

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Psychologically healthy people don’t get themselves in these shoes, therefore they don’t have such situations to react to. Healthy people can put 2 + 2 together to see that if they involve themselves with a narcissist it will eventually cause them to be that person that we have all now become in our resentment and anger... and healthy people are smart enough not to go there

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So as much as we all want to identify with co-dependency and say �?hey that’s me�?or �?OMG is that me?�?be careful not to be drawn deeply and become victim to the label.

Read about co-dependency, examine your family of origin issues, but do not forget that you were in a relationship with a Narcissist.  Just because you have some degree of codependant issues, it does not make you an evil pathological being. Your experience with an N has now brought you to a new level of self awareness�?so take advantage of it. Blessed is anyone who can change the things about themselves that they don’t like. N’s do not have this luxury.