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| | From:  Pin17370 (Original Message) | Sent: 31/08/2008 2:59 a.m. |
I'm not new in this board. I first came here when dealing with ex-N husband, in 2003. I was living ok since we were apart. English is not my first language, so i'm sorry if my writing sounds weird somehow.
But now... the problem is my N mother. I live in the fist floor and she lives in an apartment upstairs, in the second floor. She also has a house in the country side, where she spend most of her time, but she is staying here more now.
Often she visits her relatives. They live far from here, but she goes there by bus, like 2 hours trip, because she has to see them. She visits my sister almost every day.
Today is my son birthday. My son is in my home for a couple of months while he is between jobs. My son was living in another town since 4 years ago, and it's the first time that he spends his birthday here since he left.
My mom *called* from the upstairs to say "happy birthday" to my son by phone and didn't come here to see him.
How she could do that! She doesn't stop her visiting everybody and didn't come here - from upstairs! - during my son birthday! wow...
I have to come back to this board, because I'm done again.
Thanks for listening..
PS. I don't write in English since about 5 years, so............ |
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Hi, Pin. I certainly remember you from back in 2003. I hope you are well. Your English is still just fine, too, Pin, so don't worry about that. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this kind of behavior again. It is heartbreaking that your mother couldn't do so much as tell your son 'happy birthday' in person. Just remember that they do what they do because of who they are, not because of anything you have done. She treats people the way she does without thinking of how it impacts them. Her choices are all about her. Empathy doesn't enter into the equation. What you choose to do about it is up to you, of course, but if you bring it up to her she'll likely just make excuses and blame you for expecting too much of her, etc. Keep your boundaries up, Pin, try not to take her behavior personally, and know that you don't deserve this. It's just the way she is. Easier said than done, I know, and I know it hurts. It's never easy to be treated so callously by a parent. I hope you and your son have a lovely visit together. Welcome back. Hugs, Lynn |
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| | | From: Pin17370 | Sent: 31/08/2008 4:55 p.m. |
Hi Lynn,
I'm glad that you did remember me, Lynn. I also remember you! I actually was wondering if i was going to see known faces... and i did! I am happy that this board still exist!
Thank you for your answer and i too hope you are well! When I came back to Brazil from USA, I knew i was going into my disfunctional N family after everything i learnt about this subject.
I guess my mon is doing d&d on me lately. She doesn't come here, in my home, since long, even living upstairs. She says that is because my door is always locked, she doesn't like my dog and my cats.
I guess she doesn't like that i get a true love from my pets and she is not able to feel the same.
I lock my door because i live close to the beach and it is a windy place. My door doesn't stay just "closed" anymore, it has to be locked or else it opens by itself.
Well, these are just her excuses. Of course, when she visits her relatives their doors are also locked, closed, whatever. Her aunt had 9 cats and she were there almost every week, my sister has a shepherd dog that jumps over everybody, and she doesn't mind. I have an english cocker spaniel
So, i guess i am going to quit visiting her too.
Thank you, Lynn.
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