Hi. We have a forum for parents of N/P children

 

I'm hoping some of the stories and articles and links there will help you. It is a tragedy.

 

Hugs to you

 

femfree

Several weeks ago I wrote about my son, now 36, who I believe is a N, and is very much like his natural father.  I don't even want him at my funeral if he dies, which is very sad for me.  He can go months without contact, and then call a few days before Xmas to say, "who is having Christmas?" 

 

Come on, I live about 5 miles from him, and he has never seen (nor Help move into) the place I moved into on 6/25/08, after driving accross the country 2100 miles to get to his second elaborate wedding!

 

As for helping with anything, forget it!  I could be crippled and in a wheel chair and he would be "too busy" to visit!  For 8 years I have tried and tried and called and called, only to be hurt by "indifference."  This is the thorn in my side I must bear now and am into 3rd month of NC.  I have given up.

 

Oh well, life goes on.  Here is a song I think describes the way a N feels about and/or treats others.

 

by Natalie Merchant,  I May Know the Word 

 

I may know the word
but not say it
I may know the truth
but not face it

I may hear a sound
a whisper sacred & profound
but turn my head
indifferent

I may know the word
but not say it
I may love the fruit
but not taste it

I may know the way
to comfort and to soothe
a worried face
but fold my hands
indifferent

If I'm on my knees
I'm begging now
if I'm on my knees
groping in the dark
I'd be praying for
deliverance
from the night into the day
but it's all grey here
it's all grey to me

I may know the word
but not say it
this may be the time
but I waste it

this may be the hour
something move me
someone prove me wrong
before night comes
with
indifference

 

 

If he dies, he won't be at my funeral!  Sorry, but can't figure out how to edit message.

 

It is a stupid typing mistake, but is not funny to me. 

 

 He could die, and my feelings for  him now are so cold now,  I feel guilty.

 

I guess I could try knocking myself out to get him to want to see me, having dinners, showering gifts, who knows?   But it may not work and the hurt of rejection and "indifference" is always a threat to me.

 

Best Wishes to all. 

  

Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

It's called "self preservation".

Judy, I have the same problem.

I have divorced my xNPh many years ago. He didn't bother with our children, and my son had the hardest time of it. He had no use for his father. Him and I had a very good relationship.

Then he met this young woman. I have not met her until she was pregnant with my grandchild. They got married at age 21, and I was in 7th heaven about the baby. We drove 2000 miles to be there for the birth, after which she wouldn't let me hold the baby... After that, it went much worst. She was a spoiled NP, only child. We were expected to lavish as much stuff on them as her parents. Her parents had one child, we had 6.

Slowly but surely she has brainwashed my son. We were not allowed access to their children, couldn't take them to the playground even. We kept sending presents to them, never did they acknowledge that they got it, let alone thank us. Then slowly, but surely, all contact died. For years the only contact was us sending presents. We decided enough is enough. They live 5-6 miles from us, and I haven't seen them in over 7 years. I wouldn't recognise my grandchildren. My daughter has been rejected also.  She has not made the choice of rejecting us, so they rejected her. DIL is into total control. I think my son might have inherited my xNPH's disorder to some degree. I also think that he suffers from the Stockholm syndrome.

I have learned to cope with the situation. I don't even want him back, I would never trust him emotionaly. He is 43, if he hasn't found his backbone yet, he never will. I'm 71, and I don't need any more pain in my life. I don't want him at my funeral, and since I don't have a son, I wouldn't go to his.   Dolly

Apple, 

 

My niece is an n, and she's driving my sister nuts. 

 

It's awful.  Really awful. 

 

I feel so bad for you mothers of n's. 

 

Ours is 23 and lives with her mom. 

 

And she creates h-e-double 8 days a week. 

 

My sis wants her to move out. 

 

Her only option is to move back with her xbf, who she's begun to see again. 

 

It wouldn't be a good thing for my niece, but it sure would be a load off my sister. 

 

My sister gave my niece her Discover card for emergencies. 

 

Almost overnight, the bill is up to $500.  "I TOLD you that I bought that!!!!" 

 

My sister isn't stupid.  If I tell her I spent $150 on her charge card, she's going to remember it. 

 

That girl is bleeding her dry on the money scene. 

 

The disrespect, the lies . . .  It never ends. 

 

She kicked the dog a week or so ago. 

 

My sister is WAY too nice for this.  And she's a good mom.  Worries about any eventuality before it happens.  Tries to make sure both her son and daughter have what they need, have a safe and good home, and that life is good for them. 

 

My nephew is a good boy, thank goodness. 

 

That girl, though.  I love her to death, but whew! 

 

She walked into the kitchen the other day -- I was standing right there in the middle of the room.  She didn't even say, "Hi." 

 

I said, "How tall do I need to be for you to notice me?" 

 

"I said hi!!!!!"  Oh.  I'm deaf now. 

 

You have my sympathy, Apple. 

 

What do you plan to do? 

 

GN