this is a good question and I will tell it from another point of view.  My stepson is the N in the family. Last year he married a wonderful woman. During the courting period he was a different person, he was charming to her and to US too.   He became so nice my husband and I would look at eachother and say, "is this the same person"?  Hard to believe.  At the time of his wedding he was happier than I had ever seen him.  Oh, and we had been NC for 3 years and only reconnected a couple of months before the wedding.  

 

I was SO hopeful that he had changed, that this wonderful woman was going to be able to have enough control over him to help him change his evil ways.  

 

Sadly, it was not so.  I am only now starting to identify him as an N.   And it all makes sense now.   I wish I had warned this girl.  Now she is living in hell.   I do realize that if and when she leaves him, we wil once again be the brunt of his bad behavior.  Now that I understnad this all a little better, I think I can cope better if and when. 

 

Vicky