I just read your post and wanted to offer you some encouragement.  It's a tough road being a mother to a N child.  One thing you do have on your side is time.  Time passes very quickly.  So whatever phase your N child is in know that it will pass very quickly as in retrospect all time does. 

 

Another thing you mentioned is that all the other mothers think highly of your son.  This is not unusual, because a N will act completely different around their scapegoat.  Be glad that he saves his bad behavior for the privacy of his own home.  Being raised by a N, when I had my own children I needed to "make up" for what was done to me (some how trying to heal myself) by overindulging in my children.  As an adult my N child is an overachiever and has done very well.  She treats me different from everyone else.  She can be very emotionally abusive.  It's really off the wall.  I know her well.  When she starts to "act up", I simply respond with it is time for you to go back to your own home now.    She does not hold a grudge.  So there is a good chance the next visit may be nice.  Even tho she uses me as her scapegoat, she trusts and confides in me because she knows I am loyal and love her.    It is a very complicated relationship.

 

I believe that if you "mother from the heart", and seek God out at the start of every day you will have victory.  I know it is a hard road.  With a N child you have to be able to "detach" when they start to scapegoat you.  My biggest obsticle for my N child was that I did not want her to make mistakes that could put her in harm's way.  N have a "sence of intitlement" that can get them in real trouble out in the world.  I can not protect her from herself. 

 

It is good that you "pick your battles", otherwise you would be miserable.  Make sure you take good care of yourself.  Take it one day at a time.  Find pleasure in "simple" things.  My life is based on what Christ did for me on the cross.  I walk in great victory.   

 

Also keep in mind in sharing your story know that you are your child's mother.  It is wonderful to be able to get other peoples' take on things.  But ultimately you know what is best for your own family as long as you "mother from the heart".    I wish you the very best.