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| | From:  Trudy185 (Original Message) | Sent: 30/10/2008 3:05 a.m. |
I found out from computer history that N did a search on the male client that I had helped, and about whom he had pelted me with questions. "Who was he? How old is he?"
D and D has already occurred. He has a GF.
Why care about a client I did something nice for? He looked this guy UP.
I'm freaked. |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 30/10/2008 3:07 a.m. |
HI Trudy. Don't answer any questions the N throws at you. "Ask him youself" is something you might say. |
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My best guess from what I am learning---control!! They always seem to want to control....even if they are not in a relationship with you they still want to control aspects of your life or manipulate them.
You know--it's odd--You'd think he should be off with GF focusing on life instead of worrying about the work you are doing or any client you may be helping---instead he is researching everything you are doing.
Keep yourself safe and unless it is business related and something you need to answer for your job--don't! |
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Trudy, Watch out for this one, Trudy. He's the little boy who's become tired of the same old toy and throws it in the corner. But don't let another little kid try to pick it up and play with it. Because it belongs to HIM. Even if he has grown tired of it. And just because he's not playing with it at the moment doesn't mean he's going to stand there and allow somebody else to play it. Watch out for this one, Trudy. Gloria |
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| | | From: Trudy185 | Sent: 30/10/2008 3:46 a.m. |
(((((Thank you)))))
His pelting me with questions about this client (wh. happened yesterday) was after WEEKS of total silent treatment. We have not spoken in a real conversation since before D and D, which was all acted out in a VERY juvenile and childish way.
Gloria, I share your concern. Just over the past 48 hours I have come to see the level of his ugliness. I've been writing in my messages, as you know, of starting to get it. Part of me thought this was a disorder that made you childish, do tantrums, act like a toddler. I got the projections but not the malevolence.
How do I watch out?
Femfree, thank you. I won't answer any more questions. I was so caught off guard yesterday.
notyouroption - yes! Why does he care 2 straws about me, with this new GF! Control. And the toy he doesn't want anyone else to have.
There is nothing he can actively do to sabotage my work. We work for diff people. I think it was more to find out. He seemed very interested.
I'm thinking of confiding in a coworker to tell her I feel a little unsafe. Without explaining the whole back story. Does you think that's a good idea? I believe I can trust her silence. Or should I say nothing at work?
(((((Thank you)))))) |
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| | | From: Trudy185 | Sent: 30/10/2008 3:47 a.m. |
Clearly I meant "Do" you think it's a good idea. I started to write "Does anyone...."
Clearly rattled. I just found out bec. I stayed late at work to work in peace for a while. |
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Trudy, What I meant when I said to watch out is . . . This guy is going to try to figure out a way to reel you back in if he thinks you've got someone else. Or if he thinks you're interested in somebody else. Or if he thinks somebody else is interested in you. Watch out for him trying to pull back into the game. Because I'll betcha $10 he's going to do it. And I'll bet it's going to be soon. So prepare yourself for it. And the other thing: That kind of mentality is real, real nasty. Soooooo, since he's a co-worker . . . Watch your back professionally. Because that little boy who I referred to is the kind of child who likes to do something nasty, and vengeful, when the other little kid picks up his toy and walks away with it. When he tries to reel you back in and you don't go for it, you need to keep in mind that if there is a way he can hurt you at work, relative to your job, he will definitely do it. Gloria |
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I would not confide in a coworker at all Trudy. N's have the ability to charm the pants off of anyone, especially the people around you. You may trust her, but never trust the N. They can manipulate from every angle to pick out the information they want. If you absolutey feel you have to confide in someone, let it be a supervisor, someone in management, or human resources. |
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| | | From: Trudy185 | Sent: 30/10/2008 4:54 a.m. |
(((Thank you))))
AD, you are SO right. She is discreet and a friend. But she, like everyone, believes him to be sweet. (She did call him lazy -- she saw thru him that much). I almost made a mistake!
Thank you Gloria! Now I can see him being vengeful. I will watch my back. I have good professional r'ships, and I can be careful. I also have drawers and a door I can lock.
If he thinks he can start being smooth again after the way he has acted, he IS crazy. He has acted so badly. But I get now that they can rewrite everything in their heads.
Bless you. I feel so much better knowing you are there.
OK, one good thing: he will have NO idea that I know.
(((Thank you)))
Love ,
Trudy |
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