The hardest part of my breakup has been dealing with the fact that the exn got married within 6 months of leaving me. We never got married (even though I wanted to) because he had been married twice before and just didn't want to do it again.
When I look back at his previous history it helps me to understand that history will keep repeating itself for him. He was married very young the first time at about age 20 and went from living with his parents to being married and living with his wife. He was with her for almost 14 years and left her when their kids were just 3 & 5 yo because she was making decisions without consulting him.
He met # 2 while #2 was still married and he had just separated from his wife. They had sex on their first date in his car. She was the love of his life. He married her after living together for 3 years and they split up 3 years later because she was cheating on him. He kicked her out and I met him about a month later. We dated for a couple of months then decided to be exclusive and couple of months later.
He obviously cannot be alone. He met the woman he is now married to about 2 months after leaving me and married her a within a couple of months. He is now in the process of buying a house and it is very hard for me to accept the whole "happily ever after" he appears to be heading for when I am feeling like he used me up and spit me out.
But, his personality has not changed and he will continue in the same pattern he established many years ago. This N is particularly good at hiding his true nature. He is an expert at controlling himself and rarely, if ever exhibited some of the more extreme behaviors described here. That has made it even harder to recognize him for what he is. At some point though in this new relationship he will not be able to keep it all in and things will start to fall apart.
N's are incapable of compassion and empathy. They never put someone else's needs before there own. My definition of love is putting aside your own feelings and needs for someone else. So, my relationship with N would never have worked. That is what I think about whenever I feel bad. |
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