If I could say one particular thing more than anything has me stuck, it is this.  I can't help but think N was only crappy to me and those before me, and now he's found the love of his life and he's just happy & sweet & he's completely different with her.  I absolutely hate the thought of him (and her)  living happily ever after, after all the sadness & anger he has caused me.   I have read "You Think You're So Special," but quite frankly, I'm just not believing it in this case.  And I don't know why I can't make myself believe that.  Help, I don't want to stew in this anymore.