| I am sooo glad you are all writing telling me to get away and stay away. I know I need to, and reading everyones' posts helps me tremendously. "Hearing" it directly from you all, people who GET IT, is what I need. My friends just don't understand. It is so hard here - small town, and everyone identifies us as being together. Can't go anywhere without someone asking about him, or saying what a great couple we are. I cry inside every time. I can be out with friends and go from happy to miserable in the blink of an eye. I excuse myself and go home to cry. I am so tired of hurting, so tired of trying to find some glimmer of hope. I'm done. I know I will see him soon, when he deems me worthy of his presence and when he needs me for his stupid NS. I wish I had it in me to stare him down and say "leave me alone". I am to bloody nice, and it gets me nowhere. I can, however, pull away, not be available either physically or emotionally. He will probably rage - he has in the past. I don't care anymore. Let him do what he wants to do. I won't live in fear. He's never shown any signs of physical violence towards me. Have heard rumors from others... What does a gal have to endure to stop the pain??!! |
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