It sounds silly to me to call him a "father", b/c I now only refer to him as Joe.  I am new to this board, but have known that Joe was a N for about 1 1/2 years now, maybe longer.  All the typical symptoms-- literally every single symptom of the 9 listed under the DSM.   His background is that his mother (my grandmother) has her own mental health issues.  She married a man long ago and they had Joe.  This man (from what little's been said) was VERY crazy.  He ended up leaving the family very early on after a great deal of abuse, etc.  Then she remarried another man and they had another child (Joe's half sister).  My grandmother plays mental games, favorites, etc. and I can only imagine how this whole story went with this family.  Joe was sent off to the military and he never felt accepted by the family.  He met my mother before leaving and they had a very volatile relationship.  He left her, then demanded she come back- several times.  In the meantime, had met another woman while gone and while it's not been thoroughly discussed with me, they had a child that was stillborn.  He came back and voila, I was born 9 mos. later-- during that time my parents went to town hall to be married.  It was abusive and within 2 years and my sister being born, we left.  I continued to have a relationship with my father as I grew, but became increasingly aware that his morals and judgment was questionable at best.  Though, I did not know that it was classified as a psychological disorder until the past year and a half or so. 

Currently, I am an adult with my own healthy, stably-functioning family (Luckily my parents were divorced, most of the time I was growing up).

Joe has a wife of 5 years, who is codependent and I question her pathology as well.  I also have a sister that has become webbed into his "cult" and unbelievably brainwashed.  He has the 2 of them so webbed in.  When I was still visiting, it was so akward and strange, I don't understand how they can stand it.  He lives in a very large home in a well-to-do neighborhood in upstate NY.  He has changed jobs a ton of times, I can't even count.  But the past 15 yrs, all of his "careers" are home-based and so he doesn't have bosses, co-workers.  His most recent (past 2 years now) job is that he is a Glamour Photographer.  He "shoots" (as he calls it) models in his home and "on-location" (local parks, etc.).  You should see his "studio" of all the make-up, clothes, and expensive equipment.  I honestly don't know how he is able to pull off the home and all the equipment for so long, I really don't think he could be ahead where his income outpays his expenses.  His wife he found when he was traveling (I think he met her online- but that is not what they say) and he in the meantime was living with another woman and then began having two lives until he cut the other one loose (she was the real winner) and moved this one to NY and they bought a home together.

How I fit into the story is that I have been the most recent victim.  I have tried and tried and tried to just make the relationship work (even after I became aware of his diagnosis) just so that I knew I had done everything in my power to make it work.  I worry about questions my daughter will have someday about why we never talk to him anymore but I know it is absolutely what is best for her.  I would even say he is the one that has cut all ties with me.  I feel that it's b/c I never fell for his b.s., and I wasn't dependent on him for anything.  I was not a supply, and therefore dispensible.  I could see through him and he knew it.  (I also have a degree in Psychology, which is a threat).  I also believe that he was extremely jealous of me!  Recently we had one last major "falling out" via email b/c as he said "our relationship has been tenuous at best".  I thought that was a good thing, I just thought I would keep it rolling along on a very boring, even acquaintance-like line and at an arm's length call it a "relationship".  I thought this would be best for everyone w/o any major falling out and no volatility.  He couldn't take it.  I should also note I NEVER remember him having any friends.  The only people in his life now are his wife, my sister (who since doesn't speak with me), and his "models" who are mostly in their teens and very early 20's (all are under 25) and non-professional "models" that he does a lot of provocative "shooting" with.  He has also tried to become friends with my sister's friends, and he relates to my sister's son (his grandson).  So, if I have a good head on my shoulders and feel that I can see the forest through the trees, why am I still constantly thinking about the situation?  But I don't really feel sadness or even anger, I mostly feel low self-esteem and issues in myself since the falling out (actually, for the past 5-6 years since I began really distancing myself, coincidentally also when I got married-- he really started "hating" me at that particular time, in fact in the email berage he told me I dangled him walking down the aisle and my wedding was the lowlite of his life, but is should have been the opposite).  Also, am I missing the greiving process, or could it be possible I went through that the past 5-6 years instead?  Thank you for your support and time.