| This group is really head-clearing and I just wanted to say thanks for all the sharing that has helped me. I joined because I think I need some support. A place to talk, share and vent. I've been NC with my N family for 3 years and am at a place of greater clarity and doing well. My career is taking off and I have new friends. However. . .every couple of months, I still get profoundly sad and feel drained by grief. Since I am fair, if I cry a lot it shows up the next day so I have to hold my emotions in until the weekend so I won't look all puffy eyed at my job. I feel like I have been framed by my N sister. I'll share my story soon, just as you all have shared yours. Just wanted to say thanks for this board. It makes me feel like i'm not crazy and alone. I wonder, though, can I ever get to a place where I don't carry this heavy load of pain? Right now, I never know when the tears will flow and always carry big black sunglasses to hide behind. I feel so damaged, and wronged. Angry, yet empowered by knowledge, yet drained. Confusing! Hoping for closure yet knowing in my heart it won't happen. I am so loyal and keep hoping for the normalcy of reconciliation through communication. But i also know talking things out is not something my family does. Wondering why this happened to me since I believe I'm a good person. It's very hard. But after the NC, my life got better. Yet I am still mourning my N dominated family. Why can't I just let them go? Why do I go on punishing myself and feeling bad? Sometimes I feel so good that I said NO! to all the BS, and then sometimes I feel like I am dying inside because so much history is gone. |
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