Purple. Thank you. For your caring.

 

Had. It is okay, I read it. It was tough but you are caring for me....So you had to say it. I am fighting this....I will be strong.

 

To everyone today. Igot thru today....

 

Thank  you for being there.

 

I did not cry in 8 hours. that is good.

Hi again Kimbo,

I am glad that you are doing better. I hope that each day will again make you stronger. It is so hard to resist what they promise. If you can resist though, you will be able to heal and down the road, you will not feel this way anymore. I promise.

Great big hugs to you,

Had

Kimbo

Stay away, take this as an ego boost, walk away on a high note, get going while the going is good....whatever you have to say to yourself, just don't fall again.

 

This is good, he is begging and you can leave feeling sooooooooooo good about yourself!

 

Don't give him a chance, not even a little chance to d & d you again.

 

 

Hi Kimbo, big hugggggggggggggggs to you

 

Maybe it would help if you talked about what you're arguing in your own head?

 

What I mean is something like this:  when I found this site, did NC, then did what you're doing, one of the things that kept circling around my head that kept me in the Ns game was that people here didn't really know -- they didn't know him and they didn't know me and my love and passion for the N and his for me was maybe something different than their situations.  Our love was a grand Shakespearian tragedy in the last act.  This was only the internet...

 

Turns out everyone did know--knew better than I did, internet or not.  There was nothing grand about it at all.  As much as I was in pain, I was still adrift in the dream of a chance.  The chance never came, Kimbo.  And my N had wrapped himself in pretty, best behavior bows at the end as well.  3 months of being the nicest and most thoughtful he'd been in 7 years, and then he fell back.  They can't maintain it.  If you can just find a way to help yourself understand that they can't maintain it, that it isn't your fault that they can't, you may be able to find more peace about letting go.

 

I wonder if there's something you're feeling along those lines?  And one other question for you:  when you're with him, do you really let yourself go, that is, make yourself completely emotionally vulnerable to him the way you did when you first fell in love with him?  Or are you on guard now, even if just a little, looking for flags, wondering when the other shoe is going to drop?

 

In the long run, that's what you learn going back and going back--that you're always wondering and can't be totally free to love.  For me, as Aphrodite so very aptly put it, that was when the scales came off my eyes.

 

Best to you,

~mems

 

 

Mem.

 

Thank you. Your wisdom is priceless.

 

Kimbo

 

 

 

 

Kimbo,

 

Everyone on this board has longed, at some point, for closure in the ending of the relationship with the n.

 

After another round of hellish behavior followed by a another devastating discard, most can only find that closure by summing up whatever dignity they have left and going NC.

 

The real fortunate ones, however, get the opportunity to do the final goodbye themselves and closing--no, I should say, SLAMMNG THE DOOR in their face.

 

You are one of the fortunate ones because in his never-ending arrogance, he has given you the opportunity to write the ending to this orwelian nightmare that you have lived through.

 

Remember when you would jump rope as a little girl?  Two other girls would twirl the rope on both ends and you would have to pick the time--the exact right time-- to jump out so as not to break the pace and get caught up in the rope?

 

That's just like this---the jumping rope is HIS game and now you have the chance to jump out and not get caught in the rope---in other words--not be victim to yet another devastating discard.

 

You have in the palm of your hands right now--what you have wanted all along. The opportunity to write the ending to this story and end the game YOURSELF. You can have that closure that everyone longs for and can't seem to find as they  once again watched the back of their "beloveds" heels on his way out the door.

 

Make no mistake---this relationship is going to end one way or the other. WHO DO YOU WANT TO END IT---YOU OR HIM?

 

IT WILL FEEL ALOT BETTER IF YOU DO AND THE HEALING WILL BE EASIER BECAUSE YOU WILL HAVE TAKEN BACK YOUR POWER AND YOUR LOVE FOR HIM WILL BE REPLACED BY THE LOVE OF YOURSELF.

 

Kimbo, don't blow this--jump out while you are in control. It's your chance--please take it.

 

Hugs, BT

 

 

To all thank you for your help.

 

After carrying the burden for eight days, I spoke with IT tonight.

He started the D&D subtly. Telling me I was frustrating him, etc.

 

 

I started to cry...You know how they do that to us.

 

Then I got pissed off.

 

After only eight days of wanting me back, missing me, he started telling me what he didnot want to talk about...etc.

 

Okay so the burden is off me. A weight has been lifted.  I am NOT going back with this JERK.  He almost had me.. But the mask slipped - after 8 days. I am thankful for that - only 8 days..

 

I read your posts and got strength from them. And reread them.

 

And the Hell with him.

 

Onto my life again. 

 

Hugs to all of you.  Disaster diverted....

 

Kimbo

Hey Paren

 

thanks - yours was a good post... "you don't have the stomach for it".

 

Thank you.

 

You saved my life. All of you

And God gave me the strength to get through this.

 

 

Last Friday night my XNBF called.  1) He said he'd made a deposit to my account that day (he owes me $$), and 2) before hanging up, he said, "I love you." 

 

Saturday -- no deposit showed up when I went on-line with my bank. 

 

Called him. 

 

He was terribly RUDE to me and said, loudly, that he made the deposit that morning and that it would post on Monday.  (However, he did tell me on Friday that he made the deposit on Friday.)  

 

But the bank said "No deposits.  Posted or unposted."  Not on Friday and not on Saturday. 

 

Sunday a.m.  A text:  "Give me your acct. # again, just to be sure I put it in the right account." 

 

I didn't respond. 

 

Monday a.m.  "Please give me your acct. # again, just to be sure." 

 

I replied:  "Just send a check." 

 

He replied:  "Okay."

 

Monday night:  Got an e-mail.  "I miss you and the kids (cats).  Sorry about the mix-up." 

 

I wrote back:  "Mix-up?  There was no mix-up.  You lied to me."  And I told him what I thought of that. 

 

Today I got an e-mail from him:  "Please!!  No more!!" 

 

Weenie. 

 

Gloria

 

 

 

Paren and GN.

 

Thank you for the support and response.

 

I will be fine now. thank you.