CJF,

 

Oh to be in your shoes, I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE NC THAT LONG!

My divorce is coming up soon and I no longer have to deal with his sorry beep beep and beep beep.......However my dear woman, you deserve a metal of courage, strength, faith, endurance! You are awesome, now listen to me DONT BLOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, please, don't listen to the garbage, yes it is just supply.  They are vampires who find victims and suck the life right out of them. Don't respond, NOTHING, let it go, why do you think she broke up with him?!?!?! She got smart and get the bee gees out. Don't you get sucked back in. LOOK HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME!!!! Now you hang on. Lots of love to you!!!!

OMG, I am so jealous...I can't wait to be 2 yrs. & 5 mts into NC.  My stbxnh is dragging the divorce out and making everyone miserable in the process.  Supposedly he is moving out before Christmas.  He cheated on me after 2 years of marriage, but I made an excuse for him because of a trauma in his late teens, and we worked through it.  He cheated again and moved out 8 months after we moved into a new house and we had 2 children 2 & 4; this was 12 years after the first time.  He dragged the divorce out then; wanted to reconcile; I made him do 1 year of very good therapy before I would let him move back in.  He did it again 2 years ago and is dragging this divorce out.  After a year and a half of emotional hell, I can now say I feel only the most minimal amount for him.  If he dropped dead tomorrow, I don't know if I would shed a tear.  It is wonderful to finally feel like myself again, to have relationships with friends of my own choosing and not the nuts he keeps in his life, to do what I want when I want without worrying about his opinion, to not be put down, criticized and demeaned anymore...when he tries to do it, I just ask him calmly why do you do that...I don't do that do you; what makes you so cruel or I just ignore him.  When he called me a fat ass the other day, I just laughed and said that's right I am a fat ass and shook my butt in his face.  His words no longer have any effect on me since I no longer care what he thinks.  Since you have made it this far out of the fog and for this long, please do not let anything he says to anyone else or anything to you (if he gets that chance), change your mind.  You will end up back in the hell you've forgotten, only it will be worse the next time to get out and you will be angry with yourself for letting it happen all over again.  You are worth too much to take a chance on him again, and there are too many other wonderful choices out there...even being by yourself is a better choice!   Stay strong! 

1- contact by proxy

2- triangleation

3- create drama- lots of NS by involving other people.

4- I think this is very cowardly

 

It only gets worse when you go back.  Mine has contacted me several times.  Don't fall for it.  He always needs something from me, or wants to 'give' me something I don't need.  What he really needed was someone to help him take care of whatever crisis he was in at the time. 

 

Keep reading about abuse tatics...it does eventually sink in. 

Don't throw away 2 yrs of N soberity!!!!

gladlyx, seekingpeace528 and sickofhim,

 

I cannot thank you enough. Continuing NC is the only answer. I'm going to print your respones and keep them with me for support should I need them again. I know I don't know you but from your compassion, support and the information in your responses I know that you are very special people. Thank you so very much.

Hi cowboy. what is it you need help with. Do you need somebody to hang up the phone when he calls?

 

I'm sure you're not here to wail, whine  and moan so I don't understand what you need help with.

 

He'll try six ways from hell to reconnect with you - it's a math problem- when it becomes easier for him to target somebody else than to target you that's what he will do.

 

What will you do when he does manage to contact you?

 

Let us know.  And, please do not say "I don't know"

Hi Femfree:

 

I just found out that I'm the target again last night about 5 minutes before I turned to this group and wrote for help. My head was spinning and I started to fantasize about a). seeing him again; b). letting him know how he hurt me; c). having sex just once because it's been so long and on and on. After processing it some more and reading the reponses here and those I've saved (i.e., memoir-of-a-season) over the years, I remembered that NC is the only answer. I just lost my good judgment for a spell.

 

So I told my sister I'm not reponding to the question and that it's a non-issue. If he calls I'll hang up. I don't need help with that. I guess I just needed to have contact with those who understand. Not many people in my world get it.

 

Thanks.

Hi Cowboy. It can really throw us for a loop when they call  and, I know that hardly anybody outside understands.

 

Hugs

 

Femfree is so right!

I'm currently experiencing another form of contact.

I had told this girl about him and she was yeah, yeah...Oh I experienced the same thing, well guess who is working for her.  She recently had a loss, has money, and has now added him to her email list.  Poor girl, I found out through a coworker that used to be a 'dancer' with her and they are friends.  The Co-worker was invited to lunch...she just had to share.

 

Well drug testing is about to happen at work and co-worker won't be around for long...

 

Don't know how to spell it but- Ka-sa-ra....Whatever will be, will be...A lepoard can't change his spots....

 

Stay safe sister!

Gladly

Cowboy,

 

I can relate to no one being able to understand. I feel really lucky and blessed to have stumbled upon this place. Although, it may not have been on accident and part of my growth process.......just like meeting the n.......

 

Your NC record is pretty impressive. Just consider the latest n stuff as his pathetic probe for N Supply and that's all.

 

I didn't post with you back in the day, but, best of wishes and continued NC. I hope to be tromping in those cowboy boots before long with miles under them away from n.

 

Peace and love to you!