Hello.
This is the first time I've posted on this board, and I'm looking forward to your replies.
I just want to see if you agree that my father does - or may have - symptoms of NPD.
Here goes:
- The only time he'd ask about what was going on with my life would be when on the way to a restaurant where he'd be meeting his friends, so if they asked about me, he could BS his way by saying what I was up to - take most of the credit for it - and pretend he was up to date on what was going on with my life and what a great father he was. The truth is, he'd never call, write, or email me to ask how I was doing when I was away.
- I'd come home after being away for a year at university, and when I walked in the door, he'd basically ignore me unless friends of his were present.
- Absolutely refused to visit me wherever I lived. I was once leaving to move to a new town - and was about to turn 30 in a week in a half, and the only thing he asked me is if I'd be able to make it to his 60th birthday - which was 18 months away. He didn't mention my birthday at all.
- When I won a major sporting competition in high school, his first comment was "you shouldn't celebrate like that when you win something."
- Only agreed to meet me in public if it was at a place where he could be seen with people that knew him. Whenever I asked him to meet for lunch at a place I knew about, he'd always refuse and come up with a BS answer.
- Whenever I'd say something I did or accomplished, he'd immediately say how he did the same thing, but better. Always trying to one-up me. I even once said how I'd been to this place overseas - and I made up a completely fake name of a small village - just to see how far he was going with this whole thing - and he said, "Oh, sure, I know about that place" just because I believe he was afraid I experienced something that he didn't. Unbelievable.
- He thinks everyone else in the world is an asshole and that everyone else is wrong and he's always right.
- He enjoyed pointing out flaws in my personal appearance - often in front of his friends. I can't tell you how much that hurt.
- He had a paper mache life sized replica of himself placed in his office - reading a script - because he honestly believes he's going to be a Hollywood Director. (He's not, by the way).
- Chastised me for being a poor student and having no responsibility when I was younger. Now I'm quite successful (at least I think I am! I have a job that I love and I live life on my own terms) and I've found my place in the world, but he refuses to acknowledge my turnaround.
- He had a statue of himself erected in a small town overseas - for what reason I have no idea.
- He tells blatant lies, says how you shouldn't do this and that, but goes and does it himself anyway.
- After he lost his shirt in the stock market after the dot-com bust, he said to me, "Oh... how the mighty have fallen."
- Loves to point out my perceived shortcomings and the shortcomings of others who were once close to him but then distanced themselves.
- Has a strong history of burning out relationships. Amazing how many of his past colleagues, partners, and friends are now "assholes."
- Hasn't visited me where I live in 14 years. But he always wonders why I won't go and visit where he is. Claims to be a world traveler but always comes up with the lamest excuses for not visiting me where he wouldn't know anyone and I would.
- Has a serious drinking problem.
- Gets extremely upset and loses his temper over the smallest things.
I've decided the healthiest thing for me to do is just cut myself off and cease all communication. It seems like it's getting worse and worse. I'm pretty convinced this could be NPD but I just wanted to get some outside opinions.
Anyway, this is the first time ever I've addressed this issue on a public forum, and I'll be honest... I'm a little scared about this. Please be curteous and kind in your responses because this is an extremely hurtful matter for me and I just want to make sure I'm not alone. Thank you.
S.R., Memphis, TN
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