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Arizona State Emblem$

Right down there on the bottom of my list of priorities is the need to know what state emblems are.  When you think about it,  what’s the point?  Did the state legislature get bored with things like�?oh, making laws that protect the public? Or,  did the governor insist that they do something to justify their existence?  

One day,  though, I was sitting on a low planter wall in front of a local restaurant here in beautiful Arizona, waiting for my wife and daughter.  It was a cool 108 degrees. (it wasn’t 110 yet)   I was studying a cactus in the planter and wondering to myself; “What is it about this homely,  prickly plant,  that gives it such a celebrity status in this state?�?nbsp;

First,  you have to understand this;  Arizona has about a dozen state emblems.   From the Arizona tree frog... to the Cactus Wren... to the Bola Tie and the Saguaro Blossom.

A few I understand,  of course.  Every state needs State colors for the flag.  That makes sense.  Without the State Flag and the Great State Seal,   what would the governor stand in front of during all of those Great State speeches? 

But�?what is it with this State Bird?  Why... in the name of all that is prickly,  the Cactus Wren?   Look at it.  This is a small bird that makes a sound like my old Chevy trying to turn on a cold day.  Chug-chug-chug.   And, why does it live in a cactus?  Not on it,  as in building a nest,  in it.

Which brings us back to my original subject,  that ugly cactus outside the restaurant.   (You had to know I’d get back to this... lol)

Arizona’s state flower is the white waxy blossom of the giant Saguaro Cactus.  The flower is strange enough.  (For those of you living east of the Mississippi,  yes, cacti do have flowers.)  When I see a picture of one,  it reminds me of my first attempt to make an ashtray for my dad,  at the YMCA pottery class when I was seven.  But the royal,  protected status of the cactus really amazes me.

In all of the tourist brochures,  the Saguaro looks relatively benign.  The photos appear to be a fat green stick standing in the desert somewhere and, quite often,  there will be two off-set arms sticking out and up to the sides, giving the appearance of the poor Saguaro being held up at gun point. 

 But,  I swear to you,  this is not always the case.  In fact,  if one should take a drive along the Carefree Highway, north of Phoenix, one would wonder, “Who took that picture and where is that cactus?�?/FONT>

 In my experience the Saguaro is,  at best,  a plain looking flora and quite often,  it’s ugly.  The specimens I have witnessed range from the bizarre to the obscene!  Many of them look like Picasso designed them.  (Look up “Woman in a hat�?)

There are those that have a multitude of arms growing in all directions,  riddled with holes, (the work of the Cactus Wren), and, seemingly,  suffering from some sort of jungle rot, (desert rot?).   Others will have two arms growing on each side of a trunk,  that sticks straight up, giving one the impression that they have just been given the “You’re number one!�?sign often used by rush hour motorists in Los Angeles.  

 

Then there’s the Giant Saguaro near the turn off to Lake Pleasant.  It had two arms growing out and up, resembling a beer-bellied he-man and in the front grew a third appendage�?out and down!  A phallus?  The image was such,  that I covered the eyes of my daughter who was riding in the front seat with me. (she’s 34.)

With these images in mind,  I find it hard to believe,  that this is a protected plant with celebrity status in Arizona.  It’s a rock star,  a deity to be bowed to.  If I should plant one in my yard,  then decide I don’t like it,  I would have to wait until it dies of old age.  At which time it has to be cremated, placed in a Copper Urn,  then buried in a special crypt somewhere in the bowels of the Phoenix Civic Center under Third Street near Van Buren. 

 

Dig it up and move it?   That would be Illegal Saguaro removal.  Permits are required for this and even then,  only under special circumstances.  Maybe,  hide it under a tarp and deliver it to a friend in�?oh say�?Nevada?  That would be Cactus Stealing with the intent to move across state lines... a federal offense covered under the Saguaro protection act.  AND if money were exchanged,  whew!  That would be Cactus Napping with intent to move across state lines and profit,  also a capital offense.

Today,  if you should drive along some of Arizona highways, you would see some of these cacti propped up by specially designed crutches.  Why, you ask?  They don’t want them to fall over,  because of the vibration caused by all the tourist traffic. 

 

And,  if you should want to have your picture taken next to one of these inanimate critters,  there’s a coin slot behind each, and every, one.  And don’t try to get away without paying... Our legislature needs the money to pay for their cell phone costs!!

 Oh!   One last thing before I go. ..  We gotta Treefrog?

 

Walker's Graphis courtesy of Lone's 

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