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| | From:  tenerprisa22 (Original Message) | Sent: 12/06/2008 2:13 a.m. |
This past Sunday I think that I got my first piece of evidence that my NW is cheating on me. There have been some things that have made me suspicious for a few months now but now I think that my suspicions have finally been confirmed. After barely speaking for two and a half weeks, this past Sunday we kind of kissed and made up. It was her birthday so I decided to be nice and give her a massage. As I began massaging her back, I notice five faint bruise near both of her shoulder blades. Upon closer inspection, I realized that they were made by someone's fingers most likely digging into her back in a moment of ecstasy. I know that I didn't make them because we hadn't touched each other for a few weeks. The previous Sunday while I was getting our kids up and going, she came out all dressed up and announced that she was meeting some friends. She left the house around 8:00am. She returned late that afternoon. After seeing the faint bruises, it didn't take me long to put two and two together. I am meeting with my attorney tomorrow to discuss what I can legally do as far as trying to catch my wife in the act is concerned. I am trying to get all of the evidence that I can in a legal manner because I want to file for divorce as soon as I know that I have enough on her that I can gain full custody of our children. If anyone has any ideas about how to get proof that she is cheating on me, please let me know. I want to run everything past my attorney to make sure that anything that I do will hold up in court. |
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Cell phone records? Emails? It's perfectly legal to follow her, catch her out in public with another man, and take photographs. You'd be best advised to consult a lawyer though. Or you could always hire a private investigator who could later testify to his/her findings in court/custody proceedings. |
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| | | From: motwgk1 | Sent: 12/06/2008 3:59 p.m. |
In most states these days, when it comes to divorce and custody, it probably won't matter if she's cheating or not. |
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I have come up with a long list of ideas to run past my attorney today. I actually think that it is best not to post any ideas here since N's do read messages on this site also. To everyone else out there - just be sure that whatever you do is legal so that it will hold up in court. If you get your proof through illegal means, the court won't allow it to be used as evidence. |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 12/06/2008 4:48 p.m. |
Hi T. Best to get some legal advice on this as to what's best and legal for court use. Then, get it and protect it and never disclose what you have to the N. Play your cards close to your chest and never reveal your hand. |
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Hi femfree, that's my plan exactly. My attorney and this forum are the only two who I have disclosed this incident to. It is very difficult not to discuss this with anyone but I definitely don't want her to find out that I know so I am keeping my mouth shut. motwghk1 - you are correct. In my state infidelity alone won't matter in a custody case. However, the other evidence that I have and infidelity would be greatly beneficial to me. Keeping this inside me is tough and just sharing a little bit here helps keep me somewhat sane! Thank you to all of you who are their to support those of us who need it. |
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In all honesty, you don't need proof, you already know. That was the biggest lesson I learned is that I did not need to have proof. Your instincts are proof enough. I started looking at his cell phone records. That is how I caught him, but if you want proof hire a private detective. They will get photos. Oh and here is an other idea, buy one of those hand held tape recorders. Find one that has hours of tape. Place under the driver's seat of her car. The husband of the wife my NH was sleeping with caught his wife that way. The cell phone is key. Also look for an additional phone. They will usually have another cell phone, secret from the one you know about. Good luck. |
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| | | From: Amora52 | Sent: 24/09/2008 3:38 a.m. |
Tener, I don't know what state you live in, but pretty much even if your spouse is having an affair that usually is not enough to gain custody of the children. What I can tell you......is you probaly already know. It's a feeling, a sense.....and I wished I would have acted on "it" long ago. I was the wife that "needed" the proof and now after 25 years I FINALLY put him out because I realized during the holidays he was having an affair with a 22 year old co-worker. But, deep down I knew it wasn't the 1st time, and so many people have come forward to tell me "things"..... But, cell phone bills, e-mails, bank statements, time that is unaccounted for, and lies............. And, remember alot of cheaters live by the "deny, deny, deny" theory....... so unless they are REALLY remorseful they will even lie when they are red handed caught. I totally wish you the best...... |
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| | | From: aegiss1 | Sent: 24/09/2008 4:02 a.m. |
Ten, I know you have posted that you have decided what to do, with your attorneys help. You and your atty have probably even discussed this, but just in case you haven't. I soo wouldn't follow and photograph I can see that going so wrong for you in so many ways. Not the least of which is you being arrested for 'stalking' and her using that against you to get custody. Anything they can use they will, usually twisted to make you look bad. Be cautious. Good luck, ~aegiss |
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If you can afford it I would highly recommend using a private investigator and letting them get the evidence. You can do it yourself but if you figure all the time/energy/expenses, it will probably be worth it to let a pro handle it. Using a PI also keeps you more emotionally distant from wht is going on--good for protecting yourself. The only thing you might want to do is monitor her computer use at home. |
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| Using a PI will hold up in court and can't be construed as stalking. Definitely consult with your attorney before doing too much. Each state has it's own funny laws. In one state a friend of mine went to his attorney filed for divorce and filed for temporary custody and had his stbx removed from the home. |
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