Nettie,

 

Glad you're back. I'm new. I find your story very helpful. To see someone struggle as we all do and find once again, and N is an N is an N once again huh?

 

As for relationships, I have no desire either. I guess I would just say time is the best healer for you and me. Welcome back!!

Nettie,

 

It's great that you came back. You will get a lot of support here.

 

I'm not sure how to reply to your message because I'm not sure exactly what you want from us, but --

 

I can tell you that last night in my therapy group (which at the moment is all men plus me) we spent a good deal of time talking about the current financial crisis, and how irresponsible the people involved in it were, etc. etc. They were talking like "men" (e.g., no feelings, of course!) After awhile I asked our therapist what I was supposed to get out of all this. He described how we were actually talking about being our own advocate and trusting people, and he said to me that he hoped I wouldn't let the N stand in my way, that I would let myself open my heart to someone else despite the Ns horrendous manipulation.

 

So, I offer that to you. And also, that I am working with a different therapist, a pastoral counselor, who is really wonderful and comes from a different (but standard) approach (along with the spiritual aspect). Through the whole recovery process from the N, I realized that I really don't know who I am. My parents made me meet their needs and expectations to the extent that I never knew I had my own. As we discussed, I really don't know what makes me, me. I was allowed so few choices in developing what I liked to do and be and everything. She was so cute, she got all excited and said I had to find out what I like to eat (not a problem!) and what type of clothes I like, etc. and go back and lose all the parent stuff so I could find out who I am naturally. She asked who I might have been and what I might have done if my parents had nurtured me in any way.

 

She told me part of this was to pray to God to show me the "me" that God sees, and allow me to understand the gifts and preferences and abilities and everything that I was created with. I thought that was really special.

 

So, maybe those are some suggestions about what you can do for yourself. Don't fiill yourself up with this man (as I did). Learn how to fill yourself up with ... yourself!!

 

It takes time, but you can do it. Just keep focused.

Hi Nettie

Yesterday one of the members posted a good bye and for a while, I thought, why am I not feeling like saying good bye, ??? Why do I feel I need to come here, if only to read and very rarely post these days???

Well, I thought and thought about this and felt that the N experience has left me hollow. The first N is long gone from my life, my mind and my soul but I am out of the last one 18months and I just don't feel right. I remember who I was, and I am afraid I will never get there.

I think being here helps, helps in that we reassure ourselves of the little sanity we have left. It helps in knowing that we are not alone, it helps in knowing we are, although "hollow" in a better place.

Welcome back, and I personally hope to hear more about your journey as I am also lost in the same road.

WJH,

To be new to this kind of thing is horrible as you have so much to learn. I havent read your story but I will and I am sure that because you came on here you have had a really tough time.

To go over what I have been through would be too distressing for me to be honest but also when you are out of it, it all seems somewhat trivial. You wonder what was the problem at times (not all the time as it can be hell) but THEY affect you in a certain way that it can be something you find yourself telling your best mate and feeling like you have been to hell and back but when you are telling it its nothing!!

Its a silent murder of the soul...xx

 

Hi Earlybird,

 

I am not sure how long you have been on this site but I thank you for replying to my message tonight.

I want from this what everyone wants of course. Someone to talk too that has been there!

 

I am in London, England and religion is very varied as we have a large mixed race over here but from my point of view I do not have a religion as such. I know that sounds bad probably??? but whether in or out of a faith a person can believe as I do. I always feel bad when someone who is religious talks to me because I know they are passionate about their God.

 

There is someone who looks over me..I believe in something amnd even if something happens to me that is wrong I know there is an underlying reason and things will come out of it that are for the better.

 

Hmmm does that make sense?xx

Bumpy Rider2,

What a great name!!

I have four kids. All growing or grown up and I am loving being around them. They are and have always been my life. Too talk too them as adults and have fun with them is more then I9 need at the moment.

 

I want to find a nice guy one day when I have found myself again.

xxx

Hi Not again,

 

NOT AGAIN? That is the one thing we hope doesnt happen eh?

The thing is getting over the experience from the first time.

It takes time and I know that. Being the strong woman I am....but was more then...I will do it but have to take a totally different change to my life and thats what is so hard as I hate change. I am me in my house with my kids and HE has changed all that.

The worst thing is they age you through stress. I have always been more youthfull then my age. My kids and their friends still think so but inside I feel defeated.xx