Perfect timing on your posting.  After a 14 yr relationship (13 yrs of marriage) and 2 kids, I left 10 months ago.  I was sleeping on the couches around the house (including the UNfinished basement) and I felt FREE on those nights.  He always puffed himself up in public, put me down, walked 10 feet behind or in front.  When I was pregnant, she said I was disgusting.  He ruined my pregnancies in terms of what should have been a loving, supportive and nurturing time for us.

Background:  I found out years ago he tore up any and all childhood pics of himself.  Said he was ugly.  2 years ago he took $5,000 from our savings to get hair transplants.  Said the Army would not promote a balding soldier (what an ass).  On the weekends (Fridays) while everyone else is saying, TGIF, he was verbalizing by Sat. morning that he had to go to work on Monday morning.  Never let himself experience any kind of joy - EVER.   Our kids suffered.  Years ago, I used to have to take money from our daughters' piggy bank for more milk and bread while he complained when I asked him for more $ to get more.  We had a nice single family home.  He is SICK and refuses to let himself experience any joy.

I have a new man in my life.  He is the exact opposite of what xN is.  Its been a year and I only cry on the nights when I realize that I could have had a man like him years ago.  (I am now in my 40's).  The new man in my life aches at that thought too.  We are perfect together.  But we both know that if we had met years ago, we would not have our kids that we have now.  So we are so very thankful for that we met at all.  We are going to live a very happy 35 years together.

This weekend my xN slyly mentioned a get together in his new neighborhood which included a young woman (of course, he threw in the comment that she was petite and young), father is a colonel and she is CPA. 

I must say that I felt momentarily inadequate.  I never went to college.  I was a exec. secretary for 20 years until Sept. 11th 2001.  Quit my job so he could fulfill his committment to the military for 2 deployments.  I chopped down trees, painted 20 ft. foyers to save money.  Cried in the middle of the night because I thought I was going to get "the knock on the door" from the Army.  I fought school systems because they didn't understand children DO cry for their abscent parents at night because they are at war, and then show up at school TIRED & UPSET. 

I have successfully sold and carefully purchased 3 homes while he was gone.  Moved our family all by myself.  I lied to neighbors in order to make us seem "perfect".  

He sucks the air out of the room. 

I was relieved to hear that there may be a woman in his life.  But don't think that the OW is going to cure all the above, and all of your stuff.  These women are going to live a very uncomfortable life.  Yours is OVER.  You are FREE.  Let go of the rest.  I swear to you, someday you will meet a new partner that will make you cry when you think about the time that you could have had.  But don't go there, please.  Just thank God everyday that you chose LIFE, JOY, TRUE LOVE.  The love of yourself and your new partner.