You are not alone!!!!  I might recommend you also post at the new site - I think more and more people are focusing on that one rather than here.  You slipped - it's ok.  Trust you have the strength to stay away from greater pain, the pain of being with an N.  I've slipped my fair share of times, and although it seems to hurt a little less each time, I KNOW the only way is NC.  Let your body go through what it's feeling...use that pain to remind yourself what life with the N is all about. Pain.  Pure and simple.  Make a list of the things that were so painful to you...keep it with you, refer to it often.  Hang in there!  We're here for you!  Read read read here...it helps me so much.