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ok , my divoce papers are about to be served.......gulp........
and the reason im so scared is because hes going to fine out how much debt im in.
Im trying to justify why ive done it and i shouldnt really but its the way hes going to react that scaring me.
I think hes had an idea that ive been in some sort of debt but he has no idea how much!!, and to be honest im not talking about double figures here im only talking single figures , but to him ITS SO WRONG........ and this is what scaring the living hell out of me.
The reason ive got these debt is because ive left him before and because ive not ever had any money , the housing estate where ive gone , people have come to the door and offered money and because ive had no washer , cooker , kettle , bed , etc.......ive sometimes HAD to get the loans, and ive always paid back when i was on benefits ( government help ) so i was never behind ,
see even now as im writing this down im trying to get round it in my head to make him see why i had to get this money because otherwise i wouldnt have been able to live.
Im trying to soften the blow and theres no way i can ,
to him if youre in debt - youre the scum of the earth........end of story.
But then im thinking , yeah but hes always left me without money , so ive never had the chance to save up? if hes have let me have housekeeping money at least i could have been careful with the money and keep a bit aside everyweek but hes never let me do that.
Im just so scared because i know whats hes going to say as soon as he comes home to talk to me.
" SEE , I TOLD YOU THEY WERE MONEY LENDERS"...... and hes going to look at me as if im dirt,,,,,
could someone give me a oneliner or something to say back to him when he starts...........
Thanks x x x x
Jo x
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Hi JoJo, I feel really bad for you, I think you'll find a lot of people on here are in the same position. I have also run up huge debts because when you split with someone, and realise you have nothing, you also then have to start spending money to build yourself a new life. I'm borrowing money off my parents at the moment for exactly the same reason. So - just don't even feel scared about what he's going to say. Who cares - he put you in this position anyway. Whilst you get your life sorted out you're bound to incurr costs. If you have to talk to him at all just say you're rebuilding your life. End of story. |
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Jojo,
I really feel for you. Being in debt is stressful enough for you without worrying what he is going to say.
You should just state simply to him that you had to borrow the money because you needed money to live on and there was no other way.
Does your N have a good income/savings? Because you were married to him, he is obliged to financially maintain you and your children. If you can justify that your spending was necessary to maintain yourself and your family, a judge will have a lot of sympathy when making a maintenance order for you.
One problem I could see for you in the divorce stage is that your N will try to portray you as wasteful or irresponsible with money. Be prepared for this - be ready to explain that you spent the money on life's essentials. Make sure you do not borrow any more money if you can help it, ESPECIALLY NOT from the door-to-door money lenders. Their interest rates are WAY higher than the banks or building societies and they are far more aggressive in calling to your door etc.
Do you have family who could help out with repaying some of your loans for the time being? Even a couple of hundred paid back will keep the money lenders happy for a while until you are back on your feet.
Do you have a job? Could you find some part-time hours to make a bit of extra money? This will do wonders for your self esteem and your bank balance. Also, check out all the benefits that are available to you - extra allowances for single parent homes, kids, back to school expenses, etc. Benefits are there for deserving cases likes yours.
An important piece of advice is not to stick your head in the sand re your debts, if you face them, explain your difficult situation, you will get more sympathy from the lenders than if you just hide from them.
I am thinking of you Jojo, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. But stay hopeful - you will get through this and you will be free - free from debt, dependence and the N.
Hugs to you,
Mirabella |
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Jojo, you're making this a HUGE issue, but really I think the N would use anything to get to you. It is just a debt, big deal and scr*w his comment. What he thinks about it is trivial. I mean it is a problem, but problems can be sorted out and you will do that. Bottom line is that you needed the money because he's been such a pr*ck all along. Now straighten your back and take the next step. You're doing fine !!! (((hugs))) NeverAga1n |
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JoJo, Neveraga1n is correct. Who cares what he thinks about your debt? His thoughts on it don't count at all. Scr*w him! GN |
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Here's your one-liner: "You'll have to talk to my lawyer." Say nothing else. |
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Hi jojo, It seems you have two issues here-the debt one and the one with your STBX's reaction. No one likes to be in debt and it is not a good way to live but if that is the only way you can get away from this guy, then that is what you have to do. Of course, like the other poster said-door to door lenders are not the way to go if you can possibly help it. Do you live in th U.S.? There is nothing wrong with getting government assistance when you need it. As far as his reaction is concerned-you are leaving this man. You have to get over his reaction. He sounds, btw, like a hard hearted, mean and nasty man, controlling-the fact that he never gave you household income and used the money as a method of pulling your strings and keeping you dependent on him speaks volumes. So don't worry about his reaction. It is just a game he plays-he has his nerve being so judgmental of others. Like Jesus said don't be concerned with the toothpick in your neighbor's eye when you have a log in your own. This man should not be casting stones at anyone. You need to free your thinking from being concerned about this mean man at all. I wish you luck in your endeavors. |
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