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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 1 of 13 in Discussion |
| From:  Annieashley1 (Original Message) | Sent: 9/09/2008 9:26 p.m. |
The last concilor that my family went to, (My dad agreed to go to prove that he was the normal one and so my mom wouldn't leave him) told my sister and me that my dad had NPD--she didn't believe him even though she's the psych major. Growing up my dad would be concerned if we were sick,although he did a lot of splitting with my mom and sister. I cried one day on the way to DayCare he got so upset that he turned the car around and took me to my grandmother. But, almost every other symptom is there. He talks and talks and talks to the point that you feel held hostage. If you try to leave he gets angry because you are interupting him or don't care. He is just awful to be around because he requires an audience constantly. If he doesn't get his way, he makes you feel guilty, yells, calls you a tramp or a slut, starts quoating scriptures and tells you how you will burn in hell--he is a part time minister. He decided he had to move in with me and my amily and it was like living in hell. My husband hardly came home because it was so terrible. My dad got mad and moved out after 9 months. It has been 2 years and insists he is movin back in with me, my 2 children, my mom who can't stand him and has had a stroke and my nephew who is goin to college. I put my foot down and told him NO! He screamed, yelled and told me what an awful daughter I was. He told people at churc. They said they didn't believe it but he is now preachin most of the time. My kids are active there and love the people there--Is my dad N? Bipolar or just mean? HELP! Annieashley1 |
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"Annie", my 87 yo "N" father has NEVER cared for one second about me (or my deceased Mom). The ONLY person he cares about is HIMSELF. Last year, when I had surgery, not only did he NOT visit me when I was in the hospital, but he did not come and visit me at home. He did not see me for THREE MONTHS after my surgery. Three months after my surgery, he just happened to run into me when we were both in the church parking lot. Mind you, he lives 15 minutes away from me. My mother was repeatedly hospitalized in the 5 years before she died, yet there were MANY times when my father did not visit her. Personally, I think my father is both evil and a "N" (mentally and spiritually and emotionally ill). I'm not sure whether or not your father is a "true N", but he certainly has many "N" traits. Warm blessings! |
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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 3 of 13 in Discussion |
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Annie,
In short, yes. Your father seems to definitely be an N. I have a "religious" N father, who is having financial difficulties and believes that it's because his children aren't righteous enough.
In short, because I don't have enough time to go more into detail, get bad childhood good life, curl up with your awesome husband and forget your father exists. He will never change, you will never have a loving father, and there will always be the people who believe that you are evil because of his sob story... Don't let him into your home to mess up your kids and your marriage and your life.
Best regards
Gretchen |
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Gretchen, Thank you so much for your encouragement and advise. It really helps! Thanks agan, Annieashley |
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Thanks for taking the time to answer and support me. I hope things are going well for you! I am really glad I found this site. God Be with You, Annieashley |
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absolutely!
My dad's belief that nothing could be done with out him really crippled our ability to cope as adults. I *highly* recommend Dr. Laura. She became a sort of affirmation for me, and helped me realize that there is no one in my life that can affect me with out me letting them... She also talks a lot about cleaving to your new life, the one you have created with your husband. That sometimes you take bad habits with you into your new life... she taught me how to be accountable for my actions, it wasn't easy, but I am incredibly happy, and I know that until I did that I wouldn't have been. All the luck in the world. Tell your dad diplomatically ( no need to be a jerk like them) that you wish that you could accommodate him, but that you believe in cleaving to your husband and the sanctity of your new marriage, and that that is all the room you have in your house right now, then recommend some nice apartments on the other side of town. ALways be very firm and very polite. Keep your distance, and the experience will go easier for you. The only reason to yell at them is for you not them, and they will never give you that closure, ever!
Best wishes to you... Let me know if you have anymore questions! |
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Hi Annie, Don't you just hate the way these N's are so self righteous and use that in order to stomp all over other people who let them? My n mother is just that way too. Telling a n "no" always results in a huge temper tantrum. Think of an 18 month old child who is denied what he/she wants. You absolutely did the right thing. You had already been through it once, why do it again? You would have been sacrificing youirself and your children to please a selfish old windbag who is just using you. My n mother would take my last penny and throw it away and then blame me for not having more for her to throw away. If I was starving, she would still do it. Why? Because she wanted to and could. However, not anymore with me. I have Had Enough with all narcissists and that is that. I don't care how active your kids are at his church, I would change to another and get away from him. The children will adapt. Just by the way you are doubting your perception of him being a n really makes me think he is one because victims, particularly children of n's always have a tough time trusting their instincts after growing up with the n. Good luck, and hold firm to your no, Had Enough |
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Hey Had Enough, Bless your heart! You are absolutely right. I am sorry you have gone thru this stuff too. Thanks again! Annieashley1 |
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Hi Annie ashley, So sorry for all of us because we can all imagine just what the others have been through. I think that the people who had parents who were n's have been particularly wounded. This is why my heart breaks for my children because I chose a n father for them (not knowing he was a n). I am sure that I stayed with him for a great part of the time because the abuse was familiar, and I had been so beaten down as a child, that it was difficult for me to stand up against it. I have done years and years of therapy, and now feel much stronger. My children are blossoming without the influence and tension of their n father. He lives abroad, and they only see him twice a year. My children hate my n mother, and don't want to be near her. We live 6 hours away from her purposely. She is also very religious in public and self righteous all the time. She has done so many smear campaigns on me all my life that you couldn't begin to count them. She would deny every one of them if confronted. She has tried to turn my brother and I against each other, luckily it didn't work. she gaslights all the time. I hope you can move away from your n father. It will be beneficial for you and your children. Big hugs, Had |
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| | | Sent: 19/09/2008 3:56 a.m. |
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| | | Sent: 19/09/2008 3:57 a.m. |
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| | | Sent: 24/09/2008 1:03 a.m. |
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