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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 1 of 30 in Discussion |
| From:  dis_jointed (Original Message) | Sent: 18/11/2008 5:50 a.m. |
Despite having gone NC, I know my xN is still looking for NS and he's said many times that if I don't find love, I can have a baby with him.
yes despite the NC I think I'm crazy enough to do it.
crazy enough to have a baby with someone who's already had one baby that he pays for (because he must) but he doesn't care for.
Even though my xN was so bad in so many ways - I still feel a way about him I've never felt for anyone else before.
I can't get myself to date anyone else because everyone else seems boring.
is Nism. inherited/genetic?
I really shouldn't even be thinking about this...having a baby with him. because even if Nism isn't genetic, he has plenty of other traits about him not so good that may be genetic/inherited.
I just still see myself getting back with him at some point.
Will this feeling ever fade???? |
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Are they boring or are they normal? Normal men don't cause issues, normal men don't always start arguments, or lie or do the weird things N's do.
Normal men can seem boring. What you want is an N. You don't want a normal guy, because if you did, you'd look past the boredom and realize, that you think they're boring because they aren't seriously messed up. They're normal.
I can't for the life of me figure out why ANYONE would want a baby with an N. I am glad my XN is out of my life forever, I have to still deal with an XNH because we have kids, and I wish they had a different father. Having a child with an N, on purpose, is selfish, be cause you know he's sick. It's more than bizarre to mention having sex with your child, it's criminal and disgusting. Only a really sick in the head person would mention ever doing that. He's just bizarre? Are you serious? That's not bizarre, that's plain f*cked up.
I have children and I'm expecting another with my "normal" husband who is the worlds most wonderful stepfather, so maybe that's why this bothers me so much. If you want a child with an N, then have one. But that would be due to your own vanity, and one day when your child is messed up and hurt because of the N, you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking to do that to your child.
Don't have a baby just to have one. They are A LOT of work, a lifetime of work. Have one because you are in a stable loving relationship, or you are satisfied with being alone, and can give that child a good life, N FREE.
Sorry if I'm harsh, but you need to be taken out of the fog. |
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| | | From: OzGirl57 | Sent: 19/11/2008 2:21 a.m. |
<WBR>How about adopting a poor child who desperately needs a good home.......a home n free? I agree, why would anyone want to bring a child into life where he/she would be exposed to an n? That is just plain abusive. Do you think child abuse is right? If you had a child and the n were in it's life, that child could very well be taken away from you because you exposed it to abuse from the n. Think about it.
-----Original Message-----
From: NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER <[email protected]>
To: NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER <[email protected]>
Sent: Tue, 18 Nov 2008 7:23 pm
Subject: Re: if your N/xN was your only hope of having a baby would you still have one?
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New Message on NARCISSISTIC_PERSONALITY_DISORDER
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From: SSull2402
Message 16 in Discussion
Are they boring or are they normal? Normal men don't cause issues, normal men
don't always start arguments, or lie or do the weird things N's do.
Normal men can seem boring. What you want is an N. You don't want a normal guy,
because if you did, you'd look past the boredom and realize, that you think
they're boring because they aren't seriously messed up. They're normal.
I can't for the life of me figure out why ANYONE would want a baby with an N. I
am glad my XN is out of my life forever, I have to still deal with an XNH
because we have kids, and I wish they had a different father. Having a child
with an N, on purpose, is selfish, be cause you know he's sick. It's more than
bizarre to mention having sex with your child, it's criminal and disgusting.
Only a really sick in the head person would mention ever doing that. He's just
bizarre? Are you serious? That's not bizarre, that's plain f*cked up.
I have children and I'm expecting another with my "normal" husband who is the
worlds most wonderful stepfather, so maybe that's why this bothers me so much.
If you want a child with an N, then have one. But that would be due to your own
vanity, and one day when your child is messed up and hurt because of the N,
you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking to do that to your child.
Don't have a baby just to have one. They are A LOT of work, a lifetime of work.
Have one because you are in a stable loving relationship, or you are satisfied
with being alone, and can give that child a good life, N FREE.
Sorry if I'm harsh, but you need to be taken out of the fog.
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Hi dis jointed Im not sure how long you were with the n. It was 10 years of hell for me (not married/no kids). After all the: Lies Pain Humiliation Manipulation Confusion D&D's Fake guy Mr know it all Projection etc................... BORING is all you'll be wishing for! |
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i just have such awful awful anxiety having moved away this weekend - it's awful. i'm physically ill at the thought of not seeing him anymore.
lovespell,
i thought i'd not miss any of those things too. fake guy, nosy guy, angry guy, snooping guy, guy who has to drink when upset, cranky guy, lazy guy, overweight sloth guy, bitter guy, know it all guy, criticizing guy, so on so on
but i don't, i don't know why but even though being around him when he did these things made me so angry....this boredom in a new crap place is too much to take.
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if your N/xN was your only hope of having a baby would you still have one? F , no. |
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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 21 of 30 in Discussion |
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Maybe you should go back to him then, maybe you just wernt torchured enough to learn your lesson. Or you could try doing something exciting with a " boreing guy" ... |
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No way in heck would I. I'm already in pain and regret my DD is stuck with this ahole for a father...... |
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| | | From: Kitcat08 | Sent: 19/11/2008 9:22 p.m. |
Gosh, give me "broing" any day if it means that I'll be treated with love and respect!! When I was younger I loved the" bad boys". Excitement, drama, I loved to be in the thick of it. Then I started getting a bit more mature, and realized there's more to life than parties. Like.....kids and responsibility....someone HAS to take out the trash every day. If boring is not your cup of tea, i'd suggest not having children. You see, they need consistancy and a BEDTIME! Life with my ex was not boring, fo rsure. It was filled with drama and chaos, and he acted like he hated me when all I wanted was HELP with the responsibilities of having a marriage and child. I wanted to feel secure and safe and have the bills paid. And someone had to stay at home with the baby, and guess who got to do that? ME. I remember going out to party one night, and taking our son with. It's the only way I was able to leave the house. We were going home at 4 AM with a freshly waken baby, wide eyed. I remember feeling shame. This is not the kind of mother I wanted to be. And I felt like there were no good choices. A few years later, I found recovery. And lots of choices. Like losing the loser. I got myself a "boring" guy now. Life is good. He goes to work every day, pays the bills and takes out the trash. No highs, no lows, just good steady boring. And I am loved, and I KNOW it. This is better than exciting. This is something I can live with easily for the rest of my life. |
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I guess I just don't remember how to be treated with love or respect any more.
got a text from the xN today that says he's working on "personal growth" now that he didn't get to do while I was "distracting" him.
WTH?
To think I wasted a year and a half while he did nothing but get fat and treat me like crap and now he's gone new age looking for "personal growth"..............................yuck.
It's awesome you say you're loved and you know it. Someday I hope I can say the same. The xN didn't love me. I guess love is just not being treated like crap. |
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| | | From: Amora52 | Sent: 20/11/2008 7:18 a.m. |
dis, All I can say is run for the nearest exit....... NO........Never........absolutely not....... And, don't discount yourself....pull yourself out of the depths of that low self-esteem and stop thinking he is "YOUR ONLY HOPE"... You are letting all the horrific fears he has put into you control your mind..... I know......I gave 25 faithful years to the stbxnh I am now divorcing--- Why would you choose to have a child with someone who "was bad in so many ways"-------???? Without you realizing it, you are actually answering your own question.... "everyone else seems boring".........Dis, please get yourself into counseling-------- You have to think about you....what's best for you...what's healthiest for you------- and having a baby with someone who is N/bad is not the answer-----this will lead to a lifetime of N control, manipulation, lies, deceit, unfaithfullness, emotional pain, confusion, degradation, and a living hell...... And, whether Nism is genetic....... I love my stbxm-i-lw but I know she has N issues .... and unfortunately my oldest child has exhibited N's traits for many years---------- You are dealing with fear---------and my niece told me 2 things about fear......when I was afraid to continue the walk away from stbxnh.... FEAR - is the silent whisper in your ear that says to accept the unacceptable FEAR - false evidence apppearing real...... Don't do as I have done...... I sit here knowing what your life will be if you go back-----I did it for 20 years...... and FINALLY after 25 years I put him out, and I am now dealing with the most vicious, vile, lying, unfaithful N rage ----- and going thru the most horriffic divorce........... SAVE YOURSELF THE YEARS OF HEARTACHE THAT I ENDURED........... be stronger than what I was........... and walk away...as fast as you can!!!! |
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false evidence appearing real. i like it.
I'm just really angry at him. So many things are coming back to mind now about the crappy ways he treated me.
Like how he started to look at other girls with me (not at first, but eventually)
And most of all how he let his family think we broke up for nine months................after we had an argument at his parent's house which he *DID NOT DEFEND ME* I should have never talked to him after that. |
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| | | From: prieta | Sent: 22/11/2008 2:12 a.m. |
No way... I knew he was bonkers and the thought of being tied to someone like that forever (because when you have kids it is forever, like it or not), was not the way to go. And yes, it was pretty much my last chance but I could not ruin my life or that of a child. Not to mention I had to consider the genetic factor, would a man like that pass those crazy genes on to my child? Ironic, that two weeks after we met he was talking marriage and kids. He desperately wanted children; he needed to have someone in his life who would not leave him (children). I chose being childless than traveling that bumpy road. |
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The N as sperm donor is never the only chance -
he is disordered and tying yourself let alone a helpless child
is irrational thinking
Please seek some professional help - there are other paths to
parenthood . You just need some direction finding them .
What if this is genetic - you want to raise an N child ? I wouldnt wish that heartache on my worst enemy .
Breathe and find another way - its there |
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dj-- i hear you on this one, but, NO, it is SO not worth it to even contemplate having a baby with these psychopath-Ns. don't do it! he will then abuse you until you are utterly destroyed, use your own child against you, and abuse the child forever. you will be bringing a wounded being into the world who will never know any life but one of sick abuse. BREAK THE CYCLE!! you can do it!! |
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