Bicycle-  I am in the same boat but I've been in NC much longer.  I obsseively think about him, dream about him and no matter what I do I can't get rid of thoughts of him.  Sure there are some days that I think of him less but in general, a day doesn't go by when I don't think, what is he doing? Does he think of me, doeshe miss me?  Can we ever be friends again?  I don't know what to do either.  Therapist says it will fade over time but for me its been 1year and 7 months NC and I still obssess over this.  Heartborkengp91

Thanks, HB and SC. At least I'm not alone, right?  It feels crazy sometimes. I've never had this experience with a breakup before, but then again, I've never had to go NC with a person I've loved either, a person who tried to destroy me. I guess it's complicated, but I sure wish I could let go of her in my head. Thanks for your comments.

SC-  Thanks- you're not discourgaing me since it has been so long and hasn't let up much I figured it would be a long haul.  Just like BG said, I never had to go NC with anyone or even had trouble dealing with a "breakup" in the past.  I wish I felt some sort of anger towards the N.  I still am stuck in the obsessive stage, wishing that I could help hi or fix this in someway.  It helps to know I am not crazy and there are others out there dealing with the same thing.  Hearbrokengp91

Our obsessive thinking article....

 

 

 

Yes I will confirm that it takes a long long time.

 

Read as much as you can.  Post as much as you can.  It will get easier but it takes much longer than you would ever expect.

 

I used to come here and read and think "yeah right!".  I never believed for one moment that it would get easier.  It does and I just underestimated how long it would take.  Also I have a feeling that we're all ever so slightly different and so that means nothing's the same.

 

For me it's been 4 years and 8 months.  I'm still working on it.  But yessssssssssssssss it's easier lol.

 

Hope this helps

thanks so much for your suggestions and support, everyone. it helps to know i'm not alone. argh, this would be SO much worse without this board. in fact, i probably would be in the loony bin right now were it not for you all.

 

thanks again!

Luck crazyfortrying!

 

You can do this.

 

(((hugs)))

Its not how we feel about them, really.  Its how we feel about ourselves.  They are just a tool in all of this.  Its the reflection of what we see in the mirror.  I hope someday I can look in the mirror and like what I see and actually FEEL how people I love around me describe me.   I'm getting closer.  Soon, soon.

I escaped almost 2 yrs ago from a NBAlco and been - lost NC the other day at work after almost 15 months - all I said was thank you - we we in front of co-workers. I answered no questions nor did I ask him any. After the horrific things he did to me why would I. But, sometimes I just accept that we are both going to work at the same facility and might pass each other every couple of months or so - I use the memories to remind myself of what he is and what I did to myself in denial. This was I assure myself it could never happen again, I have come so far - {Peace

OK, What don't you understand? She doesn't think about you, she doesn't like you, she is superficial and shallow. She has NPD. If you want to be with someone who needs 100% of your attention with nothing left over to give your family or other friends, then call her. Sometimes it takes several tries before we can say "enough".

 

 I sound a little bitter yes, I was married to a shallow NPD for eighteen years. He still does not realize how much his behaviour cut me to the quick. It took me a long, long, long time to get over him. In addition, he seduced a close friend of mine. He did re-assure me that I could stay as he could be happy with two women.