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| | From:  up2me-az (Original Message) | Sent: 27/10/2008 9:13 p.m. |
My XN has been talking about us to mutual friends and of course it gets back to me. This past weekend I let it get to me and broke NC. I sent him an email that reminded him of his brutality and told him in detail that his usual crumbs won't work anymore. I told him to fill my office with flowers and call every hour on the hour with messages about how he feels, what he wants, etc. Instead he sent an email that I will never read because I have closed that account and it's gone. I'm so disappointed and I feel like I have cheated on myself. I know what he is and that he is incapable of empathy or taking blame for anything. I'm still sad because I wanted the nonsence he is preaching to be true. He's just looking for attention and I am the best way to get loads of it right now. Hopefully this lesson will stick and I can embrace the anger and betrayal instead of remembering the facade. Does anyone have an effective technique for a daily reminder of N's downside? That is what I need to remember. Up2me |
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Every single encounter with them involves pain of some kind. I always use the same analogy -- lactose intolerance. No matter how much you want the ice cream, you know you're going to hurt like hell afterwards. Sooner or later, it will be enough to keep you away from the ice cream. After EVERY SINGLE BLOODY ENCOUNTER with them ends up hurting in some way shape or form, is that person anyone we need to keep in our lives? Like the ice cream, don't even entertain the idea. It's gonna hurt. |
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Excellent analogy.
Remember all the things he would have done had he been normal. How he would have acted if he was capable of giving a crap. You've seen too many things not to know something is seriously wrong with him. Keep those things in mind, always.
Don't beat yourself up too much - if that's what it took to convince yourself you need to stay away, then that's what it took. Sometimes something good does come out of our mistakes! |
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I think N-dipping happens and you can't beat yourself up over it..it's a process.
This is what I tell myself:
"Relapse is considered part of the recovery process". |
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Up2me, Every time you talk to him, you will suffer. As time goes by, avoiding the suffering will take priority over hearing his voice. That's what happened to me. Sure I'd like to talk to my old pal. My former lover. But hey. That's going to give me a bad night and probably mess up the next day. Any encounter with him is negative. Because he's a narcissist. In time, believe me -- the very LAST thing you're going to want to do it talk to him. Gloria |
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Up2me, If you need to type out a list of his transgressions and character defects, do it. Make multiple copies and tape them up all over the house. If that is what you need to do, do it. You know -- the XN loves to tell me that I live too much in the past. Like the lie he told me on Friday about making a deposit to my checking account. Okay, it's Tuesday now and yes, he's right. Last Friday's lie is in the past. But our past is what brought us to our today. I don't want to promote the idea of holding onto negativity. It's not healthy. But you need to hold onto the memories of all the sh*tty things he's done -- in order to protect yourself. What I try to do is: - Remember all the crap he pulled.
- Remind myself that he is disordered and cannot be fixed.
- Remember all the crap he pulled.
- Be grateful that I'm not him.
- Remember all the crap he pulled.
- Be grateful that I'm no longer with him.
- Remember all the crap he pulled.
- Look forward to a much happier life.
- Remember all the crap he pulled.
- Forgive him for all the crap he pulled.
- Remember all the crap he pulled.
- Keep coming to this site to strengthen my resolve to never go back to him again.
- Remember all the crap he pulled.
It's working for me. Gloria |
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| | | From: mintxy | Sent: 28/10/2008 12:49 p.m. |
We have been involved with something that is less than human. It walks, it talks but insided it is dead. It doesnt matter what we say to them, whether we break NC or not, the N doesnt care one way or the other when you get down to basics. Sure, he gets off on NS, negative or possitive and by breaking NC we give HIM something. But at the end of the day, it is us who feel the hurt and betrayal. So.... let sleeping dogs lye. As for tactics to support the healing from them, I can only suggest what I did. Every day I woke up I put an imaginary light around me, so that I was cocooned in that light. I sent up thoughts to the ether for protection, love and light to come into my life and when I did think about the N, I perceived him as a robot with all his wiring screwed up with a self destruct chip inside! hope this helps. xx |
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| | | From: femfree | Sent: 28/10/2008 4:51 p.m. |
Hi Up. If, for example, the N had sent you that email, I would tell you to ignore it as it's bait. Why send it at all - are you looking for a response or ????? a Check up is needed on your self control I think. |
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